Consciously Living

Still Learning

2012-02-11T20:04:00.000-06:00

Even after loosing 55 lbs. I still find myself using food as a crutch. This week I let go and ate what I wanted. I've been sitting here grading papers and thinking about why....I have two reasons. I think. One is I'm very stressed with school this year and this week and last have been riddled with headaches, so I let myself let the headaches take over. In the past year I refused to "EAT" them away. Not this week. I wanted to eat and eat I did. Sunday I rode my mountain bike some 30 miles. It was exhausting. I fell and busted up my knee. Monday morning the scale was high. I let go of reason( yes, my second reason) and got sad about it( I know better- muscle weighs more at first)...by Thursday the scale was way down. But in the meantime I had let myself eat and eat and eat. But you know, I can't just remember to not let the scale rule my life. All I can do is let tomorrow be better and learn from today. I'm still learning.

2012 A New Year

2012-01-19T06:32:00.001-06:00

Been slacking on the ole blog. Once again school - my job seems to zap the life out of me! That's ok- it's all just very necessary as things have a way of falling into place.

So many things are changing~Parker for one is really growing up. He's working and finishing his senior year and doing a lot of mountain biking. He's saving his money for a new bike and is excited about it.

Husband and his work opened a new restaurant- a source of anxiety and problems! Me- I'm the same. I feel like I've never been a better teacher - but I'm really putting a lot of time into getting there. Been doing a lot of bike riding. That has become a small obsession. We did 2 long 65+ mile rides this year..a 25 mile ( which we raced the whole way) and on most weekends I've been doing a 25+ mile ride. We went snow skiing and I skied with ease. So much easier when you don't weigh a ton!!!! But my weight hasn't changed in a long time so last week I recommitted to WW. It's hard as food still continues to comfort me. Now it's just healthy food that does! But it's a journey and what else have I got to do. My goal for 2012 is to continue to think positively, use gratitude as my guide and enjoy all aspects of life!!!

After our 65 mile ride- we are holding metals. Look who is still the fattest. LOL

Gratitude

2011-07-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Time for gratitude. Time to open up to the Universe and let possibilities flow in! Live to learn~

I'm so grateful for-

My family
Our closeness
Our unity
My dogs and their unending love
Heat of Summer
Summer
Vacations
Being active
Riding my bike
Riding my bike far
Walking
Possibilities
Fish Tacos
Friends
Lunch out
Margaritas
Strawberries
Music
This house
This time off
My job
My health
An open mind

Fifty Pounds Ago

2011-07-04T20:19:00.000-05:00

Today I asked hubby to go ride bikes. He's been wanting to ride the trail from Valero to where ever it ends. We started at 10 AM. I was worried it would be too hot. It was! Turns out there are 12 miles of trail that are finished. We ended up at Ingram Park Mall! Met a wino there ( he called himself that). Awesome.

But it was more than a ride for me. It was a challenge and I met it. I wanted to prove that I could ride and keep up with my husband who rides much more than I do. I think I did ok. Even he admitted it was hard. That made me feel good. It wasn't that hard, but it was hard. I could have gone much further if I had water and stopped. So I know I can do longer rides. I would have never thought 50 lbs ago I could ride 20 miles much less 24. Life is good when you take care of yourself. And I'm learning!

Summer Days are Slowly Melting Away

2011-06-28T08:24:00.000-05:00

I like teaching, but I ...I ...I.....I love summer. I don't especially like the first two or three weeks where I'm still trying to figure out how to not work. I can't relax and don't know what to do with all the time. But about this time every summer, I slip into summer mode and things feel right. The one thing that feels right is my precious time with Parker.

Probably the best thing about this summer has been Parker. He turned 17!!!

And sometimes he even likes hanging out with us!!!

One thing that Parker likes is his friends.

Which means I get to hang out with his friends.

I like his friends. I think after teaching for so long, I'm more comfortable with kids than anyone else. I absorb their enthusiasm. I absorb their laughter. I wish I had their energy and lack of fear! I know the days I have with Parker are slowly ticking away. I will miss these days. My days will be filled with something else, but nothing will replace all the summers I get with my best kid. So while these days are melting away before me I am so conscious of how precious and amazing each and every day is and I'm so grateful for this time and life.

Hernia=OUCH

2011-06-17T21:19:00.003-05:00

What was I thinking? I have 8 puncture wounds in my belly. No wonder I put this off for so long. On the flip side. I read and made some notes for my classroom notebook project! Since I can't move much, at least I can be productive. I got 15 punctures in my leg for the veins...they hurt less. In a couple of weeks I should be good to go!

The Summer of Repair

2011-06-15T06:43:00.000-05:00

My goal this summer is to get the things on my body fixed that are fixable. I'm working on my varicose veins. UGH...Below is a "before" picture taken several years ago. It's obvious which leg is affected. Now that I've lost the weight, I've been working on getting them removed. The weight loss has make them protrude even more.

The process in expensive and very painful. This picture is the after effects of the larger vein on the top of the back of my thigh. It looks way better now! But took a long time for the bruisig to go away. I recently had the veins removed from my calf and I'm not happy at all with the rusults. I go in today for another treatment and in a couple weeks will post the "after " results.

Tomorrow I go in to have my herniated belly button fixed. I've had this for 17 years- since the birth of my big baby- Parker! I'm so dreading it. But it's the summer of repair and time to get it fixed and move on!

Patience

2011-06-08T09:03:00.000-05:00

Bring on Summer!!!

Yeah...that's Parker jumping off the trampoline and into the pool. I know...not too safe...but it's summer after all!!

Which brings me to the topic of this post. I like walking in the morning. I like starting the day on a productive note and having the walk give me the energy to do something productive. In the past summer was getting up slowly..drinking coffee...getting on the computer...getting back in bed..etc.

I so want to be more alive and active! So far I am. It's amazing being part of a lifestyle change. I think I'm slowly morphing into something new, different, and better. As I walked this morning I tried to think about having patience. Walking Jack is what got me active, but he never used to smell everything like he does now. He's more comfortable with the walk and wants to check things out and I'm ready to go fast fast fast. I've got to have patience.

Just like with a lifestyle change. It must come slowly. It must be a constant change though. It must not happen occasionally, but constantly. For instance, I've learned that I can't just eat well 5 days a week and expect any weight loss. It's got to be 7 days of being on target. I can't walk a couple days a week. It's got to be constant. It takes patience to see results, but when you do...it's worth it. As they say...patience is a virtue..and virtue won't hurt you!

Hoppy Easter and Goals

2011-04-24T19:41:00.002-05:00

Happy Easter

Sundays I like to reflect on the week and think what I might do better the following week. This past week was wrecked with my headaches. Lately they have been coming on at about noon and they are intense. I get a prescription for 9 pills and it's usually plenty. This month I'm down to five and I still have two weeks to go. I don't like getting so low. Eating was terrible. Well, actually it was terrible three of the four days.I've got to be more consistent. If I'm only consistent part of the time, it won't make a difference. I need to be consistent each day for WW to work. I walked ONLY 12 miles, a record low. I did mountain bike on Saturday which translate to 2 hours of biking, but I have no idea how many miles.

It's that simple. I think. Ha. Well new week better results!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

2011-04-10T20:34:00.001-05:00

I LOVE SPRING....yeah it's pretty much my favorite season beside summer. I think spring means I've made it through another year. I measure my years on school years not calendar years. LOL

Here are some favorite views I am privileged to see every day!!! Happy Spring~

Texas Red Bud

Yeah, even Parker!!

My Molly

Cedar Oak

Twisted and Tangled

Balance

2011-03-17T20:28:00.000-05:00

I need balance. How do people do it all and make it look so easy? I feel like when I'm teaching I use so much mental energy in my job. Physical too. There is no down time except for lunch and even then it's a rush to eat and relax. Then I get home and its time to exercise, then eat, feed everyone....maybe an hour of free time. That's why I don't blog. That's ok...hopefully with the time change I can slow down a bit and have day light. Which brings me to this topic= health. I want to be as healthy as I can. I want to continue to improve myself and my life. I want it to reflect it in my writing. I want to find balance in this life I call my own!

How do people drink these things- Green Monsters. Blech. I don't have the knack for making delicious healthy stuff -that is for sure.

Spring Break!

2011-03-17T20:07:00.000-05:00

I've really dropped the bucket with my picture a day and blog. Work got the best of me. It's draining to say the least- mentally that is. But it's spring break and I have a week off! I can find myself again which is always nice.

Parker is in Colorado with his cousin and her husband. He's having a good time. It's his first time away from us - where he's the one gone. He's doing ok and not homesick. I miss him, but it's been a nice break and a taste of how it will be when he is gone for good. I love hearing his stories of what happened that day.

I hope he hasn't been a huge hassle for them. I guess we'll find out if any manners he's been taught have emerged!

I am still on board with my weight loss! To date I've lost 45 lbs. I may have gained some back this week- Hubby and I over did the eating out this weekend. What was I thinking? I also have been doing boredom eating...that is the worst. I think I've got control over it now...and it's already Thursday! Ha I've really walked and worked out and that is awesome.

I've been walking 3-4 miles daily. With the time change I'm adding in bike riding. I plan to start doing push ups and sit-ups. Good old fashioned stuff that works. I also want to concentrate on eating at home more on the weekends. Eating out has gotten so routine. Time to find something else to entertain us!!

If I want to loose these last 40 lbs I've really got to focus on healthy eating and beef up the exercise.

Today

2011-02-06T07:43:00.000-06:00

Today is Sunday. I'm on the computer reading blogs, drinking coffee and thinking about what I'm going to do with the last day off. All I seem to think about is my free time. What will I do with "MY" free time. I
hate that.!! I have never liked working regular hours, however when I was in my 20's working odd jobs I dreamed of regular hours. I'm never going to be satisfied I guess. So I need a mind change. I need to get back to my One Day at a Time mind set and just worry about the day and not the week ahead. With that said I think I should plan out today. Church? No..that's another story.
I am going to walk this morning. A Melva Walk. I'll go when Hubby takes Jack. Then I'll come home and clean up and get laundry sorted and started. I need to go to Target. After that....I am dying to go on the bike trails. I'll go if its warm. If not, the day is open. yee haw

What a Cold Week

2011-02-05T19:40:00.000-06:00

This week was so unusual. On Monday it was warm and in the 70's. On Wednesday the high was 22 degrees and by Friday we had ice on the roads and a beautiful sprinkling of snow! The bonus is that it was a SNOW DAY for us South Texans.

February 4th, 2011

I also have been so unmotivated to walk and eat right. In fact, I've been eating terrible. Why? I keep asking myself why. I think I'm anxious and bored. For three days I didn't walk because it was below 25 degrees, but you didn't see me on the treadmill. Well this next week it's back to business. I can hardly wait for spring!!

Beautiful Gems

2011-02-01T06:17:00.000-06:00

I like teaching. It's rewarding, frustrating, fulfilling, and challenging. My latest struggles involve my pre-AP students and getting them to be more focused and serious. It's a typical challenge to have. I'm working on things to make me adapt to the changing clientele at our school- that is more students are coming in less prepared and less serious. Still smart, just not a good work ethic. They need guidance and more help at home.

The other class I teach is regular English in the Academy. It's for 9th graders who are failing two or more classes badly. We bring them out to a remote part of campus, take away the social aspect of their day and get them back on track. It's like bootcamp with loving, but strict teachers. As with any school initiative I've been involved in, the first year is fabulous because the focus is on the students and program. After that first year it kind of gets pushed aside. And you are left doing the work with less help ( all the help promised goes away) I'm feeling that now. But I still am working hard with these kids. Take David for example. He is a strange child. He looks Hispanic, yet has a Polish last name. He whispers and walks funny. I can't read his writing. He is easily looked over.

I started getting to know him when I couldn't read his writing and asked him to read it to me. For being in special ed and having a learning ability the kid is smart. He listens, is a good reader and is right on. Once I saw he was motivated I worked with him with getting his thoughts in order and saying what he really meant and of course getting him to slow down so someone could read his writing.

Every day I try to connect with my students. I make a special effort of ask how they are and continue our conversation for the day before. David and I talked daily. He went from being a doodler on paper to a serious writer. He even asked me to read a poem he wrote. One day I asked him why he had two stuffed backpacks and he replied simply smiling, "I got kicked out of the house." I said really and he nodded. I asked jokingly where he slept and again smiling, he replies, "In a ditch." So we get him to a counselor and contact his parents which of course isn't always really helpful. But sure enough he was kicked out, but they were working on resolving the problem.

Yesterday he was gone and when I mentioned it to my coworker, he laughs and said oh we didn't tell you...he got caught with a knife, a couple in fact....He showed me a picture of the knife. Scary. David is in jail and I'm stunned. He'll be in alternative school for a long time.

This is the second kid to be arrested in two weeks. The other was for drugs. A third kid was high and was caught - all these kids I had invested time and energy in. I had hope for them.
This scene plays out over and over in my life. So many kids are right there...on the verge of becoming connected to school...... So many times I work so hard and have a break through just to have it thrown away.

I want to blame parents. If they spent the time I spend with their kids they would know what beautiful Gems they have and how they are letting them go to waste.

January is Weird

2011-01-30T19:51:00.001-06:00

I'm not sure I like January or February for that matter. They are too unpredictable. Take today for example. It was in the high 70's. My husband mowed the dang yard. What is up with that. Because in a couple days we are expecting snow? HUH? Really. humph.

I'm just ready for spring. I'm ready for more daylight. I'm ready to make my walks more interesting. Four miles a day is making the weight come off but it's becoming B-O-R-I-N-G!

I think I will head over to I-Tunes and see if I can download a book or something to listen to. I'd rather be swimming. hmph.

What I Like About Him

2011-01-19T19:59:00.000-06:00

" Something unique you love about your significant other." This is Mama Kats weekly writing prompt!

So what do I love about HIM??

He is so hot!! I mean, look at those pecks.

I LOVE

...that he is so predictable.

(That way when he does surprise me it's really fun).

...that he likes to do lawn work.

My neighbors get jealous that he actually likes working in the yard.

He tries to do what I like to do, even though we both know he won't like it.

He sat on the boat while Parker and I played with the stingrays.

... that he never complains about my mood swings.

... that he always drives.

... that he spends a lot of time with Parker.

... that he helps with laundry.

...that he cleans the pool and never complain even though I mostly use it.

... that he gets up at 5 to walk Jack.

...that he like sports so much.

...that he listens to me and my advice.

... that he likes me whatever size or shape I am.

...that he isn't one bit lazy.

... that he is OCD about:
his desk, locking doors, folding undies, checking for his wallet, checking that the emergencies brake is off, double checking 15,000 times any decision we make, etc.

... that he hates it when I cry.

... that he likes my family.

... that he secretly babies the dogs.

Ok...his ego is probably getting big...and I could go on and on.
So I'll stop.
I just love him for the imperfect perfect person he is.

I'm Getting Better

2011-01-16T09:34:00.000-06:00

One of the things I'm trying to do in my life is not sleep though it. I think in the past when things got tough for me, I'd just crawl in bed and zone out, and then sleep or eat. I'm over that. Now I walk. Walking 4 miles requires patience. Having patience forced on you is not easy. I see the same streets, houses, and signs over and over. So it forces me to go inward and therefore deal with my stress in a more healthful way. I can't say enough about walking.

So with all this free time I'm hoping to do more of the things I enjoy in life....writing, taking pictures, and reading.

Blogging is such a great outlet for the writing and photography. Everyone has their own reasons for blogging. I haven't figured out mine yet, but I do know it's a rush when someone reads it and comments. I spend hours and hours reading other blogs! It's kind of like reality TV!

In the spirit of change and balance I hope to write more, read more, and take pictures of things that inspire ME. I'm not a good picture taker at all....nor am I a good writer. But I love doing both so that is good enough for me :)

So from me to you...here I am and here I go!

Weekly Food Update for Fun

2011-01-05T20:51:00.000-06:00

Tuesday:

Playing catch up...

I get migraines monthly...not too horrible..but enough to make me miserable. I do take meds which are great but they really make me tired. I crave quiet time when I have a headache. In the past I've used the headaches as an excuse to eat poorly and not do much of anything when I was having them. Sometimes just going to work was the most I could do. Now I'm not letting them slow me down too much. I don't feed into them. I exercise with them or without them. I don't eat them away either like I used to. That being said yesterday's headache got the best of me. I waited too long to take the meds as I was at work - teaching. I had to stay very late at school and so when I got home I was a mess. I ate and got in bed!!! So no exercise for me!
I did eat well- still had 2 points I didn't use.

Today I took the meds before it got bad and the result was much better!!!

Walked three brisk miles with Jack- burned 330 calories! ( I have a Garmin GPS watch that is fun to use!)

B= Coffee w/ FF cream (2)
Banana -0
Luna protein bar-5

L = Turkey/ mustard/ ff cheese sandwhich = 4
Chicken and stars soup=2
Blackberries/blueberries=0
lots of water
Snack= grapes -0

Dinner= 2 chicken/bean/lettuce/tom ( Hardly any cheese) chalupas- 8?
each= 16

29 points...

I am doing a nightly workout which includes:
10 pushups,butt tucks, = for about 15 minutes......

Resolutions 20

2010-12-31T19:53:00.000-06:00

As I'm writing this post, I just realized that I met most of my resolutions or goals from last year. That is a first for me. I researched a little on the origin of resolutions and here is something I found out:

The tradition of the New Year's Resolutions goes all the way back to 153 B.C. Janus, a mythical king of early Rome was placed at the head of the calendar. With two faces, Janus could look back on past events and forward to the future. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.

The New Year has not always begun on January 1, and it doesn't begin on that date everywhere today. It begins on that date only for cultures that use a 365-day solar calendar. January 1 became the beginning of the New Year in 46 B.C., when Julius Caesar developed a calendar that would more accurately reflect the seasons than previous calendars had.

The Romans named the first month of the year after Janus, the god of beginnings and the guardian of doors and entrances. He was always depicted with two faces, one on the front of his head and one on the back. Thus he could look backward and forward at the same time. At midnight on December 31, the Romans imagined Janus looking back at the old year and forward to the new. The Romans began a tradition of exchanging gifts on New Year's Eve by giving one another branches from sacred trees for good fortune. Later, nuts or coins imprinted with the god Janus became more common New Year's gifts.

In the Middle Ages, Christians changed New Year's Day to December 25, the birth of Jesus. Then they changed it to March 25, a holiday called the Annunciation. In the sixteenth century, Pope Gregory XIII revised the Julian calendar, and the celebration of the New Year was returned to January 1.
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/39353#ixzz19jkWXbpx

Maybe this is why we are so compelled to look back- reflect, and then look ahead and set some goals. I also firmly believe in the following:

1. If you are thankful, good things will come your way.

2. If you want something, you can have it... but you have to truly want it and be willing to make sacrifices to get it.

3. There is a give and take- Karma sort of...this circular notion which goes back to the Golden Rule- what goes around comes around.

4. Attitude is everything. Our moods and feelings guide or physical being.

5. Bad things can be opportunities for good things.

So keeping all this in mind, I must set my goals for the coming year.

Here is what I wrote for last year~ Let's see how I did.

2010

The first set involves HEALTH

1. Make an extreme effort to walk every day. I will start with a walk to the mail box. Then a ten minute walk...then more as my back permits. As I get my back/ leg better I will use walking as my stress reliever outside connection. I did this.....after my surgery...now I'm up to 3 miles or more a day - 6 days a week.

2. I want to use Yoga as a tool for strengthening my body. I will do a pose a day and work up from there. Nope

3. I will journal all my food every day. Good or Bad. DID IT.

4. I will take more of an active stance on my back/leg. I will try to get it fixed. Surgery or not, I've got to end the pain. Did it...got the surgery.

5. Keep Moving. Keep Moving. Keep Moving. Keep Moving. Doing it.

6. I will loose weight. I have set a goal of 25 lbs to be reached by summer. I'll adjust as necessary. :) DID IT

The second set involves my MIND

1. I want to read more books. A goal is 12 books this year. I'll start with the four I'm currently reading and not finished with! Ummm..not quite. :(

2. I want to blog regularly. I will keep the weight loss blog and the other blog updated at least weekly. If I do more...then great. DID IT

3. I need a hobby. I am interested in photography. I need to pursue that. I'll look into classes. hahhah NOPE

4. I will keep up with Bunco and force myself to be more social. I will talk more in groups.YES...made an effort to make myself have fun....seems to be working.

I'd say I did pretty good reaching my goals. But it didn't happen all at once...everything took the year, which is ok since it's a whole year's resolution.

Now onto to 2011~

1. Continue to do Weight Watchers at home. Journal all my food. I'm half-way to my goal. I think the hardest part is yet to come~ the last 35 pounds.

2. Learn MORE self-control when it comes to eating. I'm about 80%- like tonight I gave in when I really didn't want to. When I travel I need to be more diligent in my healthy eating. I think it takes practice. Turn celebrations away from food. Everything focus' on food always.

3. Continue to walk daily. Add more slowly. This summer get to 5 miles a day.

4. Add in Yoga or Pilates. I need to add in some type of strength training.

5. Cook more. Or even eat more of a variety of foods. Reading blogs gives me great ideas.

6. Read more books. I need to try to read each night. I'll set a goal of 12 books again.

7. Go to church more regularly if not for me for Parker.

8. Try to blog at least once a week minimum.

9. Take lots of pictures. Maybe consider doing a picture a day. I look looking at pictures.

10. Be kind. Be thankful. Be of service.

That's it...Let's see how the year goes. Happy 2011!!!!!

Top 20 in 2010

2010-12-29T19:18:00.000-06:00

Don't ya hate it when you have spent a good hour or so on a post and with the flick of a finger you loose it?

Well that's what happened.

So I guess I'll just write it again without pictures ~ because I can't torture myself doing that again!

Top 20 Things in 2010 in my life~

In some kind of order.

1. Had back surgery- recovered well!!! Which is good because my disc was hitting a nerve going to my leg and it was quite painful to walk, sit, stand, or sleep.

2. Got Jack- he was on his way to the death chamber and we rescued him or he rescued me. Yeah, he got me walking.

3. Parker played a lot of basketball and we watched a lot of basketball. Parker likes basketball.

4. I dreamed about loosing weight over and over...but don't.

5. I read Woman, Food, and God...it gets me thinking.Seriously thinking.

6. Parker quits AAU Basketball.He is starting to burn out on basketball. We now have time on the weekends and don't quite know what to do with ourselves.

7. My brother gets an infection in his foot, finds out he's diabetic and ends up in the hospital for 6 weeks. We go up and help him move and then visit again to help with errands. Later it gets better, then another infection...looses his little toe...as of today is wearing a normal shoe again!

8.Bubby's mom gets diagnosed with cancer. It is fast moving and attacks her organs. Within two months she is gone and all are sad. We both lost or moms in less than a year of each other.

9. We sell our old bikes and get new bikes. I get a spiffy new blue Electra with puffy tires. Parker and I ride and ride. We discover a park with paved trails. Fun!

10.Parker pretends he's a stunt man and crashes his bike on a tall hill on a rough trail and proceeds to impale his arm with a twig. He gets stitches, X-rays, a soft cast and a nasty infection. He learns to be more careful. He hasn't done the trails since.

11.I dream about loosing weight...try to eat well and start walking. I ignore the scale. It's ugly.

12.We plan a real summer vacation to the Cayman Islands. I stress about being in a bathing suit. I secretly don't want to go. But I kind of do. So I walk.

13.July 1st. I start Weight Watchers at home. For some reason I stick to it.

14.We go to Cayman. No one looks at me funny because there are too many other beautiful natural things to look at.

15.We get to play with stingrays, take a sail boat ride, take a boat ride and look for starfish, play with dolphins, go on a submarine, snorkel, kayak, swim,shop, and relax.

16. I start loosing weight. I walk 3 miles a day. I feel amazing.

17.School starts and everyone is busy. Parker is a junior and I start my 19th year teaching 9th grade English. Parker is lucky if he gets home by 7PM. He complains a lot. I am always grading papers. I complain a lot.

18. Parker reaches a breaking point and quits basketball for good sort of mid season. What a strange feeling. He coach was rude and continues to be nasty to him. I debate getting involved. Parker is handling it fine.

19. We get to go on our ski trip with my brother and his family.

It's snowy and cold and wonderful. Four days of skiing and over 8 feet of snow!!! Parker and his friends sure got their snowboard yaya's out and I got my ski yaya's out. Bubby sat in the lodge and kept us a warm seat!

20. We SELL OUR OTHER HOUSE after about 15 months of being on the market. We are so relieved and grateful.

Merry Christmas and good-bye 2010!!! Until next year~

Merry Christmas

2010-12-26T19:55:00.000-06:00

What a lovely holiday season! I love Christmas and all its beauty. Some years are better than others, however each year is special in its own way.

Thank you God and the Universe for all the blessings you have bestowed on me and my loved ones.

Happy Birthday

Merry Christmas 2010

A Full Plate

2010-12-05T06:09:00.000-06:00

So many things to think about!

Right now my plate is full. All I am wanting to do is be home and relax and begin to get in the holiday spirit and do some baking, some organizing, some shopping........but the reality is I have no time for all of that!!! There are several changes taking place in the next two weeks. First of all our house--15 miles outside of town, that we have been trying to sell for 1 and 1/2 years has all but sold. It was supposed to close Friday. However there was a glitch which stems from people not doing their job. So the homeowners were screwed and so were we. Bubby says it's their fault for not knowing what is going on. LOL but I don't think they did it on purpose. Anyhow if we are lucky it will be this next Friday, if not Monday, Dec. 13th.

The next worry on my mind is Parker. He is wanting to quit basketball. As in forever. He has worked so hard his whole life, since age 5 when he started playing and now is ready to give it up. I understand that he is tired of it. The coach is extremely negative. Some of the things Parker tells us I can understand why he wants to quit. It will be a good thing in a way. Once must make a lot of sacrifices to play sports. I'm just not sure when the right time for Parker to quit is. First he wanted to finish the season, then he wanted to finish the next tournament, now he wants to quit right away!!!

Can I talk school? Budget cuts are finally hurting our district. Teachers are being moved around. So far no one has lost a job, but teachers who had had non- classroom jobs are being put into classrooms. This isn't always a good thing. While being in a classroom and being the actual teacher requires the most work, paper work etc, support teachers are important too. We are loosing most of the support systems at our school. We were told, you are loosing all the support you are used to and yes, we still expect the high standards we want and need. Good luck and remember- you still have a job. I feel for my co-workers who are being moved and switched at a whim. However, I do understand the state of Texas does not value education like it should and will not put the money where it needs to go.

How does this affect me? Right now I just feel for my friend who has been out of the class room and in a position to help kids one-on -one and help us teachers with projects. This is an invaluable person. She is retiring because of the change...after she takes on sophomores and juniors....for 6 months.....I feel for her.

I spent yesterday at Parker's tournament and didn't get a lick of work done Saturday. So today( I've been awake since 4:30AM worrying about all this) is groceries, laundry, grading papers and a wee bit of shopping. I have so many areas in this house that need attention. I guess those will wait. OH, and I'm not loosing weight. It's been two weeks. I'm holding steady. I'm ready to try the new WW points, but have to figure out how to get to a meeting. No time!! I'm still walking my three miles nightly, but I think it's not enough. argh.

OK crappy post over. Just waiting for summer already!

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T06:33:00.000-06:00

What a year! So much to be grateful for. We had big losses~ Bubby's mom died from a horrible fast-moving cancer. My brother almost lost his foot to an infection...but he's still got it...minus a toe! We are set to close on our country house in a couple weeks. Parker is doing great in school and still playing basketball. I'm having a good year teaching despite all the added pressure of "No One Fails" and I'm loosing weight in the midst of it all, (Thanks Jack for making me walk) finally...... oh and Bubby turned 50!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Bubby's Big Beautiful Delicious Chocolate on Chocolate Cake

Parker's First Varsity Game~ Warming Up

He didn't play much, so I had to use the warm up shots here. lol

Doing his thing on the bench...

clapping and cheering!

I'm always thankful for my girl, Molly

And my boy Jack!!

Happy 2010 Thanksgiving!

Checkin In

2010-11-02T06:33:00.000-05:00

Been quite busy and out of sorts lately. It was my migraine week- had the headache for 5 days. It's still lingering, but for the most part gone. I worked through it and walked with it and I survived. As of this morning I'm down 30 lbs!! I'm happy. I'm in the mode of loosing. I even passed up the most delicious cake yesterday afternoon. I'll keep doing this as long as it feels right. I don't feel like I'm missing anything which is important.
I hosted Bunco....had fun and even drank wine. I couldn't concentrate though...but it felt good to relax. My friend is in the hospital- very very sick. I'm sooo worried about her when she gets out. I need to balance being selfish about my walks and visiting and helping her. My younger brother is having some issues. I worry about that too...not to mention the stress of work and wondering if our house will actually close!!! And to top it off- I had a horrible tooth ache last weekend which resulted in root-canal- which I got 1/2 last week and will have it finished today. AWK
But... I'm not eating my problems away. Walking has been the biggest de-stresser. Who knew? I sure didn't. I never gave myself enough time to make it a habit. I'm battling my back hurting. It's sore. Walking helps. I think when I get headaches I just want to crawl in bed and lay and that make my back hurt.....so no sleeping- got to fix that now!
I did buy pants two sizes smaller. I feel happy that I'm making progress. Baby steps. :) Here's to the next 30!!!

Scary Stuff

2010-10-27T06:36:00.000-05:00

Link up and show us something you've created for Halloween, anything qualifies...costumes, recipes, crafts, party invites, treats, decorations etc.. This post is inspired by Mama Kats

This Halloween like all others I didn't make anything. So I thought I would share pictures of stuff I see on my walks with Jack.... Oh, I'm m-a-k-i-n-g a photo gallery. So I did make something! Here ya go:

This one little cul-de-sac always goes all out...by day it looks like this....

By night it looks like this...

In fact, every one on that street put's out pumpkins w/ lights....

Lots of spooky thinks we see

Ancient burial ground?

Beware of bats and ghosts

Happy Halloween..not spooky!

This really freaked out Jack. He wasn't keen on the new additions to the yard.

Nice and scary!!

Darn wind

Just in case you get lost.

Not a fan of rats. LOL

Gremlin guarding the fire hydrant...always necessary at Halloween!!

Same house with the owner who has too much time on his hands. LOL

Love the spooky goblins that have come out.

A coffin awaits you!

Just get me home...this is all too scary. You humans are weird. :)

Acorn Overload

2010-10-25T20:25:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what game Miss Mother Nature is playing on us, but I don't like it.

It's the damn acorns.

They keep coming and coming.

We sweep them up every two days and they just come back.

I mean, really. How many of these things does one tree need to produce?

Why? Why this year and not last?

We are having some very unwelcome nighttime visitors as a result.

The patio chair has what looks like cat hair? Really? We don't have cats.

We have two dogs that don't like cats.

Or was it a cat? Looked like cat hair.

Do rats shed? Gosh I hope not.

Do squirrels come out at night?

Whatever it is I wish I would go away.

All I hear when it's quiet is: Plunk....rooooolllllll or DINK...dink..... or capowwww......

And Jack...Jack likes to bring them in and then drop them and walk away.

ARGGRHHHH

Acorns suck.

Whining

2010-10-18T06:11:00.003-05:00

I guess whining helps. Scale is back down today LOL

Ding Dang Weight

2010-10-17T06:27:00.001-05:00

I dunno what is going on with my body.
How can I gain and loose three pounds of water over night repeatedly? I need to stay off the scale. Next week I guess I'll weigh in once and then be done. One day this week it swooped down low..then was back up. I'm going to have to be more meticulous with points?
I'm writing everything down. Not snacking.
I could eat more fresh fruits. Maybe incorporate something a bit more aerobic. sigh.
Weight loss is hard. :)

Weekend ReCap

2010-10-11T06:20:00.000-05:00

Why do weekends go by so fast?

This weekend I~

1. Performed with our school's dance team at the halftime football game. It was really fun.

2. Drove with my son's school basketball team to two businesses to take pictures for the program book.

3. Had fun taking their pictures. :)

4. Got groceries. Did Laundry. Cleaned the house.

5. Read all my magazines.

6. Caught up on TV shows.

7. Took three naps!

8. Walked a total of 7.5 miles.

9. Shopped for baby gifts and a purse. Only got the baby gifts.

10. Entered a butt load of grades into the computer for school.

That's what I call a relaxing weekend. :) Happy Monday.

They have a hard time being silly in front of parents. LOL

The View of My World

2010-10-07T18:12:00.001-05:00

Inspired by Mama Kat's Writing Workshop !!!!

The View out My Front Door

Just Kidding. I wish. LOL

Looking Out

Looking In

Looking Further Out

Looking Down My Street

My Backyard Sanctuary

My Kid's Legs.

Teeny Tiny Weekend

2010-10-04T06:09:00.000-05:00

Wow, the weekend flew by. I think it was the gorgeous weather, not working, relaxing, that made it fast.

Here is a capsule update:
1. Weight is coming off slow. I'm down 22 lbs. Down a pant size.
2. Still walking my 3 miles a night. I bike when I can. I want to increase that, because Sunday I rode 7 miles and my tailbone is sore again. lol
3. Dillards and Macys have crappy clothes right now. Just saying.
4. Ordered more shoes online. Husband is not thrilled. I'm on a quest for my heal not to hurt. He has to understand I'm on my feet all day. With about two 45 blocks of time when I eat and plan. I need comfort.
5. We might have a contract on the house!!! More to come.
6. Supposed to be a shooting at my son's school today. Let me tell you rumors fly like crazy. It all stems from two teen suicides the last couple weeks at a different school. Parker informs me he will be fine. LOL I've experienced some interesting parent panic episodes in my teaching years, so I feel comfortable saying this is silly.
7. I have three more weeks with the Academy Kids before we get new ones. I'm ready. They have overstayed their welcome. I'll have to explain them in a post. But they are like wild animals at this point!
8. I won at Bunco Friday night. :)
9. I found pants (smaller size) at Target. I'm hoping they only fit for a month and then are too small. hehe
10. I got asked to be a Dance Team girl's partner on Friday at the half-time show. What have I gotten myself into?

And Then I Panicked

2010-09-30T06:15:00.001-05:00

Inspired my MamaKats :)

My child. He turned 16 this summer and got his license and I think he's a pretty good driver. Last summer however, was a different story.

Once he got his permit, he was roaring to drive on the open roads- out of the neighborhood. My husband, when asked to take him, flat out said, No thanks. So it was just me and him.

I thought it best to start with teaching him how to fill up gas, so I suggested we go to the near by gas station to practice pulling up to the pumps. All went well on the drive over there. But I did notice a few things...his hands were in "death grip" mode. His back was WET. He was nervous. Sweat trickled ever so slowly from his head. He was excited. It was the first time on the road (without the benefit of the driving school teacher with his own set of brakes) in the BIG Ford F150 4X4- his soon to be truck. We pull up to the pump. However, Parker, pulls right into the middle of the two sides of the pump-right smack dab in the middle of the lane. I'm laughing at him..making fun of him...teasing him. ( I have to do it whenever I can, ok). So I say...ok...just back up and we'll try it again.
Well, he does. But he got mixed up and floored it- while in reverse.

And then I panicked.

But he stopped. And I didn't know whether to laugh or yell. I laughed...he claims he got confused. I calm him down...now gently pull forward to the pump and we'll get this done. Well, he does. But he got mixed up again and floored it.

And then I panicked.

But he stopped. This time I yelled. He claims he was nervous. People were watching him. (They weren't) Ok I laughed too. He was sweating steadily by now. I have never let him forget that, nor do I plan to forget it. It's good fodder for teasing.

Later we decided to go back out and try going through a drive through for some fast food. He changed shirts. Showered. He gets in the car to wait for me. As I'm coming out, he is coming towards me..extreemly frustrated. What's wrong? ...Mom...the car is dead...it's not working. It just rolls when I put it in gear. Sure enough, everytime I put it in gear to back up we would we roll forward. I try and try and sure enough it was broken. ~~Shit~~. Shoot, what had we done? The truck is already not working. What would my husband say????

And then I panicked.

But it wasn't broken. He hadn't started the car. Air was on. Radio was on. Motor was off. Sigh.

Later that week when we drove again his confidence soared. We were heading home on a two lane road leading to our house. Now mind you, I'm not a yeller. I don't raise my voice. I don't usually get excited. Up ahead however, is an 18 -wheeler and I tell Parker...slow down because for some strange reason, he's stopping. There was no place for the big truck to turn, so it was weird. Nevertheless it was stopping. But Parker wasn't. I wait to say something. I wait. Come on Parker..... I wait a bit more. Can't wait....

And then I panicked.

And screamed, .
STOP. YOU ARE GOING TO HIT ITTTTTTTTTT. What are you thinking????
He stopped. Just barely. Not funny. He was insensed. Why did you yell at me? I stopped. Why would a truck just stop? That is so dumb. Stupid truck. His sweat flowed now, and it was too late, I lost my trust in his driving sense. While it was a good lesson in unpredictability, defensive driving, it was too close for comfort.

He earned my trust back after a while. And, we've had some good times in that truck mostly concerning parking. It seems to be a source of pride to be able to park a large truck between two small cars. Of course that graduated into backing it in without hitting anything. I even let him drive me up the busy I 35 and into Dallas. He did fine. Now my panic comes when he's supposed to be coming home and I hear sirens. That kind of panic. Just a wee bit of mom- panic. Mostly though, I just laugh and trust him. I hope I taught him well.

It's Been One Year

2010-09-26T20:34:00.000-05:00

One Year. It's been that long since my mom died....I wrote about her plenty in the past, so no more today....but she would be proud to know I've lost 20 lbs. since July.

She always always struggled with her weight from her 40's on up. Just like me. She was so tiny before. She claims it was the Polio she got when she was in her early 20's....after that she had to watch her weight.

I say it was having 6 kids and being of German descent. Just go to one of our family reunions and you will see what I'm talking about!

In her later years when she had diabetes she got much bigger, then when she was 75 or so she went off the insulin and onto some other medication and the weight fell off. She had both knees replaced, her back worked on, was diabetic, had numerous (odd I think) little do- dads of illnesses, and so exercise was hard for her. But she did water aerobics and took care of her own house and garden with minimal help from her kids. Yes, at age 79 she had a garden.

Anyway, Mom...Hello Up There ... I'm doing great! I'm exercising every day. Still battling headaches, but fewer (hurry menopause- my doc thinks they will stop then) and fewer. My job is going well and I'm eating like a healthy person- you would be pleased. Miss you :)

10 Things I Love About You...Well My Job

2010-09-22T22:20:00.000-05:00

Inspired by Mamakats!!

As Told by Me, A High School English Teacher

10 Things I LOVE About My JOB-Seriously!

1. June, July, and August

2. Energy Energy Energy...I can be having the worst day of my life and I will walk into a room of 14-15 year olds and absorb their energy- they have plenty to share- and I'm upbeat and happy. It's amazing.

2. Conversations like this:

"Homework? We had homework?"

"Test? We are having a test?"

"HUH?"

3. Conversations like this:

"Mrs. G, why am I failing?

me: Well you failed the summer reading test because you said you didn't read.

"Well can I have extra-credit?"

me: no, I told you for two weeks before the test~ be sure to read.

"Well I didn't like the books, so I didn't read."

me: glaring

"So....no extra credit?"

4. June, July, and August

5. Conversations like this:

"Mrs. G, guess what??????

me: WHAT?

"I met a boy!!!"

me: You did! Cool! Who is it?

" I call him Back-pack Boy because I don't know his name, but we texted all weekend."

me: collective sigh...feebly~ oh

6. Conversations like this:

"I'm Joe's mom and I'd like to know why he's failing"

me: Joe isn't turning in work.

"Oh really. He tells me he doesn't have homework ever."

me: Mrs. H, this is an honor's course, he pretty much has homework all the time, and I do give him an agenda for the week on Monday, and I do make them copy it everyday, and it is posted on the web, so no excuses there.

"Oh I see...He's soooo busted."

7. June, July, August

8. Random things I get to hear:

" I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Gleeeeeeeeeeeee"

"That show's gay"

"Family Guy Rocks"

"That show's gay"

"Hey...It's raining!! Wow!

"I love Romeo and Juiliet- I haven't read it yet, but I already like it."

"I liked Animal Farm even though none of your other students did"

"Miss, Miss....no one will read this but you, right?"

"Friday night-X-Box live-- see ya online~ it's a party"

"Mrs.G do you believe in the conspiracy theory or are you a non-believer because they are watching us...?"

"I just texted my mom and she said it's ok.....oops sorry Mrs.G"

9. Reflexive Essays

I am collecting them this Friday, grading them all weekend, and I guarantee I will be doing a lot of crying and probably sobbing. The three topics to choose from were:

1. Write about a time you did something you regret or 2). Write about someone or something that impacted your life or 3) Write about something you wanted, but couldn't have.

Here are the issues I've seen so far as I helped edit.

death, divorce, drugs, jail (both parents, one parent, student), medical issues, BB guns, guns, police, mean girls, boys that hit, puppies and Bob Hope. It's never dull.

10. And did I mention, June, July, and August!!

Da Baggage Update

2010-09-19T09:41:00.000-05:00

I'm getting rid of the other blog and puttin it all on here. I think it's easier to just have one to worry about it. If you are reading this -thank you. It makes me feel good to know someone is reading this! :)

Finally the weekend is here. It's been one crazy week. I don't think I left school before 5:30 on any day except Friday. I had a killer headache so I left when I could. Most nights I came home and did more school work. I'm still not caught up. Fall is the worse! However it's all in the name of the game and the good news is it's keeping me from eating all the time because I'm too tired to eat. haha

Food and exercise wise I'm going well. I think the walking every day is paying off even though it's getting boring. I tried the treadmill last night because of the rain. I went for 20 minutes and said forget this. It just isn't the same as being in the heat and humidity. LOL

I've been following my WW points. Yesterday I really was HUNGRY..first time in a long time. We ate at Olive Garden. I got a lunch portion and the lightest thing that wasn't chicken-lasagna. I had two breadsticks. Meant to only have one. Haven't had bread in so long that wasn't my whole grain fiber bread. LOL It was yummy. But I can't do that very often. Anyway....I ate about 10 cheetos and some peanut butter for dinner....and guess what I still lost a pound this AM...So I'm down 19 lbs. ish....I know tomorrow after I walk today and hopfully ride my bike I'll gain a couple...-water...but for now I'm going to relish in my glory. My pants are almost too baggy to wear....but I figure I can hold out a bit longer before I have to buy more. My skinny jeans fit. :) One size down only 4 more....:)

This is a before picture. I can see the difference in my face.

"During" picture. :)

Bye Bye Extra- Baggage

The Parking Sticker

2010-09-14T21:21:00.001-05:00

Inspired by Mama Kats and written for my 9th grade students as a model paper for their personal narratives this week. :)

You would think having your own car as a senior in HS was enough for a girl, but I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted more. I wanted my own parking space! I’d do anything for a parking sticker! Yes, it’s true. My HS, although quite large, was very limited when it came to parking spaces. So only seniors got to park on campus and to top it off you had to get a space by winning a lottery! If you didn’t win the lottery you had to park across the busy street with the other peons.

My homeroom teacher, Mrs. Clark, was a sweet lady in her early 50’s. Her husband was the band director and she was a respected older teacher who had taught English for years. We had homeroom everyday for about 20 minutes with the same teacher, so she knew me well. This is where the lottery would be conducted. On the day of the lottery everyone was hoping they would get a parking spot. Many seniors would get one but there were many who wouldn’t. I was sure I would get one since I wanted it to badly.

Why was it such a big deal to me? Lots of reasons. The most important reason was prestige. All the popular jocks and jocketts had one (or so I thought). The second reason was lunch. If you had to wait to cross the street and find your car then your lunch time was significantly reduced and I had my priorities straight. Another reason was convenience. Who wants to park ½ mile away when you can park within seconds of the schools door and not ever be tardy!

As Mrs. Clark began the lottery she explained, “I will give you a piece of paper with a number. Then I will put the same numbers into a hat and pull them out. This class has 10 parking spots. The first 10 numbers I call will get a parking spot. The rest of you will have to park across 50^th street in the shopping center with the other peons.” OK she didn’t say peons, but I know she was thinking that because I was. As Mrs. Clark started pulling numbers out and handing out parking stickers, I started to get nervous. My number hadn’t been called.

Finally she got to the last number and called it out. It wasn’t my number. But no one responded either. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this kid, Rick, had fallen asleep. Rick was one of those kids who always slept and was about 5 minutes behind everyone in doing things and being prepared. I dismissed him as being a stoner. On impulse I raised my hand. Mrs. Clark cheerfully handed me my parking pass. She didn’t even ask to see my number It had worked! I got one! Too bad about the stoner Rick I thought. He doesn’t even know what is going on. If anyone deserves a spot it’s not him. It’s me.

As the bell rang and everyone got up, Rick says “Dude I thought I heard you call number 17.”

“I did call it,” Mrs. Clark replied.

“Well I have it.” He shouted happily showing her.

Oh shoot I thought. Now what do I do. I tried to slip out when I heard her call my name. “Melva, didn’t you say you had number 17?”

“Yes, Mam,” I replied.

“Well.” She was baffled. I could tell she didn’t know what or who to believe. I mean, me or the sleepy stoner- come on.

“Let me see your number, Melva.”

Oh gosh I had to think fast. “I threw it away.” I feebly lied.

And she saw right through me. I could feel it. My face burned with embarrassment. “Go dig it out of the trash.” She demanded. I stooped so low as to go look for it, even though everyone in there knew, including her, that I was lying. But there was no turning back.

“Well” She said finally, “ I’ll figure something out. For now just go to class.”

With my face burning, and heart heart thumping, I took off like a flash. I would have to return it. But how? Not now, I was too embarrassed.

As I raced to my next class I would hear the typical hallway chatter and the girl behind me was bragging how she got a parking pass and didn’t even have a car. I was stunned. What????? I stopped on the stairs and nearly fell over backwards when I saw it was someone I know. “Hey Melissa,” I quickly begged, “Can I have your parking sticker? I didn’t get one.”

“Oh sure, I don’t even have a car.”

“I know, I know,” I groaned.

You would think that I went back to Mrs. Clark and apologized for lying. But I didn’t. I was too humiliated to admit I lied. Instead, I ran back and sheepishly handed her the pass and mumbled, “Someone had an extra one, so Rick can have mine.” She smiled with the same smile I use on my students. The one that says, “I understand you can’t come clean and it’s ok, but really it’s not, because now I don’t completely trust you.”

Believe it or not that is one of my lowest moments. A moment I have never repeated, nor do I plan to. I don’t like what I did and it completely goes against my character. I regret that not only did I lie to begin with, but also, I never came clean to her. She would have understood. Instead everyday in her presence for the rest of the year I felt she could see I was a lier. I felt fake. No parking spot is worth that.

I Am

2010-09-13T06:26:00.002-05:00

I am possessed. I will stare at you with my green eyes until you give me something that is really not intended for me. I know Parker got something and I want a piece of it. . .

Seriously I'm not leaving.

I have the Patience of a cat.

The Stare of Medusa.

The Will of Odysseus.

Take your time....I see you are avoiding eye contact with me. That's ok. You'll cave. You always do, which is why I know if I sit here long enough you'll get up and go to the kitchen.

Work Done Got Me Beat

2010-09-10T22:48:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. Plain and simple. Mentally and physically. I wonder if I could make a list of the paperwork I have to do because for some reason I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed.

1. Inventory the items of value in my room(computer, printer,keyboard, monitor, overhead projector, screen, etc) and get online and type them in. (TINY NUMBERS and LOTS OF THEM)-tried to do it earlier..have to go find all these numbers.
2. PDAS Self Evaluation Online
3. Two separate Spec. Ed reports on two different students ( I've had them in class only three weeks)
4. Call parents of students who already have three absences. I called two, but have two to call- but they showed up today. Think I'll wait.
5. Fix student information book in binder to attach parents contacts left at Parent Night
6. Fill out the call log: Name, parents name, phone number or email, reason for call - this is to prove I actually call I guess. I don't like the call log as it takes so long to do. I wish I could just put the emails in a folder and let the person in charge see it. sigh
7. PLC (Professional Learning Community) Not only do we have to plan together, teach the same thing at the same time and the same way, we have to take notes at our meetings of what all we talked about. We meet weekly. We are required to stay 30 extra mintutes after school. But that is so unrealistic. I was at school until 6:00 working with a fellow teacher. Almost impossible to actively participate in conversation and take notes so it ends up getting done later.
8. Return parent emails from today- only one yey
9. Check the Dyslexia list of students -note students
10. Check the 504 list of students - read all the modifications now AWK
11. Progress reports go out Monday...new this year if a has a 75 or below I must send a detailed report...need to figure out what that means. AWK
12. Grade SSR slips and record to computer...add two assignments for Eng. I
13. Grade essays of pre-ap students...then find Scantron and coordinate grade...enter to computer along with weeks work already graded. ( will take forever ) sigh
14. Make a list of parents to call- then call Monday
15. Create Lesson plans for next week for pre-ap
16. Do my own vocabulary assignment so I will have one to model
17. Do my own "precious piece" modeling assignment to teach objectivity/subjectivity

Phew...I think that's it. Enough. I've let it out..now I can sleep!!!

Indelible Moments 1968

2010-09-06T07:37:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I can't remember what I came into the kitchen for, but I remember this certain day in January 1968. It's one of those indelible moments forever etched in memory. My brother, and I share our birthday and I remember wanting a gun, just something simple. I wanted to be able to play cowboys and indians with the neighbor boys.

This was our birth day.
I remember opening the birthday present.
Not a gun....but a gun and holster and cowboy hat and boots. YEEEE HAW..
My parents out- did themselves.
Then the strange family next door brought over a gift. Frilly pink underwear- type things with poodles on them and very girly.

What I remember most that day was how happy I was with something so simple.
Happiness is indelible.
Whatever I've been through in life, I know how to be happy.
And it always comes back to something so simple.

Farting in Class

2010-09-01T20:24:00.000-05:00

Fart-Toot-or Poot (as my mom preferred)

Never funny to the teacher.

Always funny to students.

Mortifying to be the producer of such gaseous release.

Which would be me.

The teacher.

I was standing in front of my ninth-grader honors class…talking about the assignment. When BAM….ONE….Quick….TOOT….not deadly…but LOUD……

Immediately I think….OMG….OMG…do I laugh??….do I play it off???..am I turning red???…..I didn’t feel it coming on…….Shit I’m getting old….. Are they laughing????..…..no…did they even notice it?….or….oh I don’t know…..Keep talking …Keep talking…..pretend you didn't just let one.......

I played it off. I don’t know if they noticed it or not. If they did they forgot about it or were polite enough to ignore it. But inside I was sooo mortified. That’s not supposed to happen to the teacher. Ha Ha…Will I ever grow up before I get old?

Inspired by Mama Kats!!!!!!!!!!!

3.) Why were you mortified? Write about a true embarrassing moment as though it was happening in slow motion. (inspired by writingfix.com)

Why Do All My Blogging Juices Go?

2010-08-27T06:27:00.000-05:00

When school starts why can't I suck up anything to write about? I guess my creative ~~juices~~, I mean dribbles are sucked up for classroom activities. I spend 1.5 hours Wednesday night coming up with an activity for my students because I could see they were having a hard time getting a concept. Then last night I left school at 6 p.m. School...hmph.

NYC Non-poem

2010-08-19T06:03:00.001-05:00

Her eyes danced at the prospect of finally going to NYC after all these years

And we’ll eat lunch at Tavern on the Green. For so long I’ve wanted to go there.

If all I do is go there, I’ll be satisfied.

But how will you get around? How will you handle all that walking?

Oh they cater to older people.

It didn’t take much convincing me because the excitement in her voice was enough.

I would do this for her. I would go to NYC and be her traveling companion. My inner voice was saying m-i-s-t-a-k-e. But I ignored it. My mom, almost 80, wanted to go to NYC and by golly I would go with her. On a tour bus. With old folks. One of those. But still. Big busses have steps. She doesn’t do steps well.

Every so often she would call me from San Angelo. Still going, right? Yes mom. I will send you my money in March. I haven’t forgotten. OK. Just checking.

March came, we paid, we were set to go. She would call…..just two more months, Melva, are you ready?

This tour out of Abilene TX did everything for you. It toured all the typical places in NYC, let you stay at a fancy hotel, showed you major landmarks, and see two Broadway shows and still let you have time to roam around. What a deal!! We talked often about how excited we were. I was secretly worried about her traveling, but she assured me she was ready for the challenge and she was.

Our tour was set to go in June and she was so excited. In April she went to St. Louis to visit her brother who was dying and would stay with my sister who lived there at that time. She bought all her clothes for the trip while she was there. She carefully picked out the fanciest dress for the Tavern. She would call me and ask if I had my shopping for the trip done. I would ask her what to wear…and she would reply, It’s New York you HAVE to dress up. Especially for the shows and the Tavern. Oh gosh mom.

But, she never made the trip. Strange things started happening to her on that trip to St. Louis and she never recovered. We still held out hope though. After a clot in her lung and a diagnosis of congestive heart failure we still hoped for the best. The doctor told her: After three weeks of rehab Mrs. Namken you’ll be able to do whatever you want.

She never recovered. In rehab she got dehydrated-she nearly died then….she got moved to a nursing home….oh we still talked NY but things like…well I want you to go if I can’t were spoken…..Oh mom you’ll go…just concentrate on getting better. She didn’t. Infections happened, fluids got trapped inside her, nothing was going right. It seemed hopeless. We stopped talking about it.

I went in June with my niece. Yes, we had a great time. My niece is 23 years younger than me and all the old people on the bus thought we were roommates. It was awesome. But it was terrible too. I felt so alive there, but constantly thought mom should be here too. It was sad.

I showed her pictures when I got back. Tavern was the biggest disappointment. I told her , but I don’t think she believed me. By then her mind wasn’t as clear. She didn’t comment on any of them….just smiled and said they are nice. She didn’t seem happy or sad. She was just there. That’s how it was until the end. I didn’t know if her mind was there or not or if she was happy or sad. Sometimes she would say I just don’t know how to get better. Then you would think she was there…but then she would go back into her world of quiet. Depression in old people sucks the life out of them.

Mom lasted until the end of September. We actually saw her improving and yet was she? None of us knew.

She’s gone and I’d love for this to be a poem. But it isn’t. There’s nothing poetic in me about her right now except grief and gratitude. I’m so happy she lived so long and so sad she left so early. I miss her.

This poem was inspired by Mama Kats writing workshop!!

Gratitude Smatitude

2010-08-15T08:28:00.000-05:00

Time for a gratitude photo essay!!! Thanks World!!

My good friend who has stuck by me for a long time!!!!! Thanks Camille!!

Bubby of course :)

Parker is just awesome and makes my life fun fun fun!!!

Parker doing skateboarding. Hasn't done it since 6th grade.@@@@

Still I'm grateful for him and all he can do.

He's been watching too much TV.

Wore out his perfectly good shoes.

Laughing at himself. :)

Oh gosh....These two creatures are my babies too.

Molly is my girl and Jack keeps me moving.

Some divine universe intervention or just randomness made us pick

you both. I'm just glad we did. :)

Flowers. Lots of flowers.

OH the list could go on and on and on :)

Thanks!!

2010-08-12T08:18:00.001-05:00

3.) The most unbelievable blue eyes you've ever seen... from Mama Kats of course!!!

Me at age 5

   A beat up, dirty, skinny, matted, ugly thing with amazing blue eyes was my first love. At five I could love anything in need and this kitten was in need of love! I had just left my friend Susan's house and was headed home per my mom's instructions when I heard and saw her.
   She was hiding under a car crying and without thinking of all the dangers associated with strays I had been taught, I picked her up and walked up the block home. I think Susan's mom fainted when she saw what I was doing! My mom was glaring at me from the front door and within hearing range she screamed at me....PUT THAT CAT RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT!!!!!...........so I did...I had to crawl under the car to put her back because you know that 5 year olds are literal.I tucked her safely back under the middle of the car.

   I had tears of anguish at having to do this. Mom's can be so mean and cruel I thought. Oh cruel world. I said good-bye to my pathetic and beautiful new friend and sobbed my way home. Only about 1/2 way there did I realize that cat had been following me.I even tried to loose it. If I walked towards the left, she did. If I did a circle, she did. I could still see my mom glaring at me from the front door, but I knew this time it wasn't my fault. I had done EXACTLY what she said!
   When I arrived I realized that my mom's glare had turned to compassion and she melted too. Her first meal with us was softly fried eggs. Once infused with love, food and a good bath Tiger Lilly was a striking Siamese mix that melted even my mom's heart!!

Gratitude and Prayer

2010-08-06T08:32:00.000-05:00

I started reading Eat, Pray, and Love a year ago and stopped for some reason. So since the movie is coming out starting Julia Roberts, I decided yesterday that I wanted to finish it. In the book she goes to three places in year. The first place is Italy and I read that yesterday. Then I started the India visit. Wow....it's different. I'm into what she is saying and it all makes sense (I think), but there is so much to remember and it's such a different mind set to have a Guru and go to an Ashram and meditate and do yoga with a yogi and get up at 3a.m. and not talk for many hours.

But it has inspired me this morning to remember to be grateful for the people, opportunities and things in my life. I stopped asking for things in my prayers long ago and started simply being grateful

(Ok, I ask Mother Mary for certain things since she too is a mom and can understand and I think she is good about listening!)

I do acknowledge the want or need I or a friend might have and acknowledge that I am thankful for the opportunity either positive or negative and the opportunity it gives.

I usually always start my gratitude list with this guy or my husband. I especially like that he has the same sense of humor as me and is always teasing and joking. (unless he's hungry)

I put the typical things on it....Thank You for our beautiful home, the people in my life, my dogs, my job, my ability to work, my ability to care, on and on....

Instead of concentrating on missing my mom so much I am thankful for all the wonderful years we got with her and that Parker and her were so close. So thankful for that! It helps.

This summer I'm so grateful to have the time to think and play with blogs and read a lot of amazing blogs and exercise and get back on track with my emotions.

As school starts up my focus will change and I will be so involved in my job and the extra duties I have this year and I will really miss and crave this time. But thankfully I will be able to do it and have the ability to do it well.

Thank You!

Outside The Comfort Zone

2010-08-04T17:13:00.000-05:00

This blog was inspired by Mama Kats @ http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/ Check it Out!!!!Steppin outside the box (describe a time when you went way out of your comfort zone)

(inspired by Sherri from Matter Of Fact)

Interpret This

My Classroom

I work in a non-suburban, non inner-city high school. It's not a poor school or a rich school by any means. It probably is a very middle class school. It has a great mixture of students of all ethnicity. It's not snobby or ultra-competitive like some schools. It reminds me very much of my first HS which is why I like teaching there so much.

I have confidence in what I do there and feel pretty comfortable most of the time....unless I'm being watched by another adult. Evaluation put me in a frenzy. I hate being watched. I love when someone spontaneously comes in my room and catches me in my natural state. I hate being on display. I freeze. I am definitely not in my comfort zone!

So, when I got two deaf students, I silently panicked. My school is also the district HS for deaf students which are mainstreamed with the other students. All it means for me is that I will have an intrepreter in my room. Mimicking me. Saying what I say. Watching me. Really listening to me. AWKKKKKKK.

So, I think, other teachers do this, so can I. But inside I was dreading it thinking...why can't I just for once have a normal, non-stressful year? Not comfortable. Not comfortable.

The interpreter came by before school and told me about the two deaf girls I would have. We decided to seat them across from each other so they could easily see her. The first day was weird. If I smiled and laughed. She mimicked me with my hands and sort of imitated my facial expressions somewhat.
As time went on, I noticed that if I talked out-loud to another student she interpreted it. If I said something quietly to a student she interpreted it. If I said something quietly to her she answered in sign. Nothing was said in there without her interpreting it.
I actually got over the nervousness of having another body in there pretty quickly although at times I felt awkward. I also learned a lot about the deaf and how interpreters are really the key to making it possible for students to be in regular schools. I was out of my comfort zone that year several times as I got used to her and the imitating. I was more aware of how I spoke and said things. I think I became a better teacher and didn't wing things so much so I wouldn't say something stupid!!! I got so used to her that I would forget she was in there and that the girls couldn't hear me.

Since then I've had several interpreters and observers and even parents watching their kids, and now I'm teaching with a coach in the room with me and it doesn't even phase me. Evaluations still freak me out....but I think they always will.

Summer, Sun, and Burn

2010-07-29T17:09:00.001-05:00

This blog was inspired by Mama Kats @ http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

Check it out.

Apodaca Park Pool ~ Las Cruces, NM

Growing up, Summer was swimming at the pool. The public pool- a mile away. Apodaca Park Pool where my sister eventually became a life guard and all the kids in my family had their names written in Magic Marker on the fridge in the office. We were “regulars.”

To get to the pool we either had to walk or ride bikes. The black streets would melt to tar in the summer and bubble up, so I always had tar on my feet. I naturally went barefoot. It always took about two trips to the pool to break my feet in, but after that nothing was too hot and if it was you planned your steps carefully stepping on lawns or dirt. There was no worry about a 9 year old girl walking by herself either back then. Oh no. In seventh grade I got a Schwinn 10 Speed and never again did I walk. I had wheels.

Summer was freedom. My mom had a rule that in the mornings during the summer, you had to help her, but the afternoons were ours. At first I’d meet Denise Summers there. Yeah. What a great name. Denise was a beautiful, naturally blond girl, a year older than I and we did sleepovers and spent all our time together in the summer. Our claim to fame was that Denise, younger brother, me, my older brother all had the same birthday. But we never celebrated it together because it was in January and I only saw Denise Summesr in the summer. When school started we didn’t hang out…she was older…that was uncool…She broke my heart when she moved away in 6dth grade. It was like loosing summer. But Diane Fraley filled her spot. Every day we’d meet at 1:00 at the pool and swim until 4:45. Diane had a very strict mother who had dinner on the table at 5:00 sharp.

Summer was boys. Lot’s of boys lived in my neighborhood. Lucky me. I had more boys as friends then girls. Our play evolved to flirting in the junior high years. Way more fun that way. We had invented so many games that we never got bored. We could do countless dives on the diving board. We’d swim, dry out, swim, dry out then we’d ask the life-guards if they wanted anything from Pic-Quik and of course they did. They gave us money, sent us there and we got to keep the change! What a deal. This lasted until my 9^th grade year. I took a babysitting job but still managed to go most days when Diane could. Not as many boys there. We were growing up. Things were changing.

The next summer I moved away. To Lubbock, Texas. West Texas and no pool. I was a sophomore in HS. I was leaving the only town I grew up in and the only friends I’d know. I was not happy. I’ve always been fond of pools and swimming. In Lubbock I had to resort to laying out in my back yard to get my sun fix. I used to put lemon juice and peroxide in my hair and Crisco on my legs and then bake. Oh yeah, I tried the closest public pool. But how fun is it to go swimming alone? I had no pool, but I had plenty of summer sun

Summer is Sun. One day I was tanning on my lawn chair and I fell asleep. For several hours. This was the last time I ever laid out simply to get sun. Why no-one in my house noticed I was out there for hours I don’t know. Typical. But I started on my stomach and at some point rolled-over. When I woke up, I could hardly move. OUCH. Yeah I was burned. Which turned to blisters, which peeled off. Which left some funky tan lines. I was so mad that no one paid attention to me out there. I could have fried to death. I actually got scolded by my mom for allowing it to happen. As if I wanted this. The result of that was for years and sometimes even now if I get too red I can see the line from my bathing suit strap that fell down my back; indelible. I can also see the outline of the top of the suit. I can remember the uncomfortable feeling of putting on a bra over that. I remember crying and feeling sorry for myself because I had no friends and no pool-all that anger burned into me. I blamed my parents for making us move and taking away my summer. My mom had no idea what I meant, but a girl without her pool must lead to this. And it must be their fault.

Since then, I’ve let myself get burned on purpose, you know to get your summer tan started, but always weary of the amount of time in the sun and not a real burn. Never again. Burn =Pain. I got over being mad at my parents for making me move. The rational side of me kicked in eventually. But, I always will associate severe sunburn with sadness and anger.

In my twenties, I used to pick my apartments by how good the pool was, not how good the apartment was. And when I got married I was delighted to learn our first house had a neighborhood community pool. My son learned to swim there. He swam before he could walk. Now I have a pool now in my backyard. I use it a lot. But I wear a lot of sunscreen, keep my face in the shade and don’t ever over do it. I don’t really care how tan I get, I just enjoy the sun and cool water. And the only boy I play with is my son. I’m a teacher, so summers remain a special time for me. Summer is sun. Summer is the pool. Summer is freedom. Summer is me and my boy in the pool.

My water baby.

One Year Old

My boy.

Catching my bubbles.

The Trip

2010-07-26T18:41:00.000-05:00

Well we made it to the Cayman Islands and back. The experience was incredible. We all enjoyed it despite less than perfect weather. I think though actually we lucked out. With out the beating sun we were able to be outside more. The only negative part of the whole trip was how outrageous food was. It didn't bother me as much as Bubby who kept cringing at the menus. :)

We were able to snorkel off the hotel beach. We did it every day and even got fussed at for going to far. It's hard to get carried away!

This was Parker's first time snorkeling, not in the pool!

I was so impressed by the clarity of the ocean.

Most of these conch shells still had residents. We found so many of them.

If you look really hard you can see the fish.

These fish were so brilliant in color. My camera didn't pick it up.

I was learning how to use the underwater camera. It's a Fugi XP...which ironically broke on the way home.

Before we went on this trip, we each picked from a list, the thing we wanted to do. I picked a stingray visit and snorkeling adventure on a sailboat. The stingrays there are wild, but are used to being fed by the tourists that they let you hold them and touch them. We ended up doing this twice and both time the guides were very informative and made you feel comfortable.

However, Bubby didn't get off the boat. He wasn't into the stingrays.

There are about 125 stingrays in Stingray Town.

When I finally got low enough for her to breath, she settled into my arms. I loved it.....Of course she was probably looking for food. They feed them squid to get them to come over. The females are large and the males are smaller. We only saw one male. This has been going on for 60 years or so and it started with the shrimp boats.

Parker picked getting to play with the dolphins. We learned facts and got to get in the water and take three different rides with them. We petted and splashed with them. It was amazing at how well-trained they were.

We began by playing a game. This ended with them splashing us of course!

We all got to do this ride. They swam very fast. Lots of fun.

Oh yes they kissed us and we kissed them back. :)

I think he liked it.

On this ride, they pushed your feet and you went flying.

Parker did the superman pose!!! Again lots of fun!!

This one the dolphin was upside down, so that you are belly to belly.

Finally we petted her/him....and they did some flying tricks.

This is something I've always wanted to do and probably never will again, so I am glad we did it.

Bubby picked the submarine ride for his trip.

We had to crawl into the circular hole. It was air-conditioned thankfully. We went down 100 feet.

Then we looked out these windows...it didn't take great pictures. Too blue, but it was interesting in person.

The last excursion we did was a boat ride to Stingray City, Snorkling and a starfish walk.

I forgot my camera on the boat when we looked for starfish, but we did see them!!

Our guide for this trip. He is a native Cayman Islander and we extremely informative and friendly.

Bubby waiting patiently on the boat. He loves to snorkel, just touching stingrays isn't his gig.

It gets pretty crowded at Stingray City.

This spot had the best snorkeling.

Interesting sideways swimming fish.

My pictures just don't do justice!!

All in all it was a great trip. I don't know if I will ever go back, but I'm so glad we did it.

It's Time

2010-07-16T09:13:00.000-05:00

It's time for a real vacation. For the past three summers we've gone to Memphis, Orlando, Las Vegas.......all for basketball.....not for vacation-even though we got to do touristy stuff where we were there. Those weren't our destinations of choice. Since that is over we are headed to......the Cayman Islands. Today I'm packing and washing clothes. Our flight leaves at 5:30 AM tomorrow. Hate those early flights!!!!! We have booked several activities while we are there...most importantly we will be getting away from the usual routine and hopefully relaxing.

The only damper on this trip is leaving my dogs. They will be kenneled. They will be fine, but I will feel bad every time I think of them. We've left Molly many times, but she was able to stay home with someone checking on her. This time will be hard for her. She just had a Mast cell and a cyst removed and has about 50 staples in her. They will take them out while we are gone..but I prefer to be here. Oh well...sorry sweet girl.

Jack will be fine. He is so young it will be an adventure for him. I will miss my walks with him, but right now my legs are sooo sore. I think this trip will be a good break. Hope he gets to play a lot and doesn't bug Molly too much.

This is how Jack waits for me when I'm sitting here at my desk.

With toy in hand he waits or he will drop it in my lap.

Notice the sock and the flip flop in the pictures. If Jack ever thinks he doesn't have enough toys...he just goes upstairs to Parker's "lair" and there is sure to be socks on the floor and various chewable shoes around!!! He has this game where he gets the sock and then shows me and wants me to chase him because he knows I will.....LOL I'll miss his little game.

I've done well with exercise this week. I've walked 10.5 miles and yesterday I got my back back. I had a bike "computer" installed on it. It tells me my speed, milage, etc. I rode for a total of 5.5 miles. Why are there so many hills? It looks flat until you are on a bike. LOL My legs were like jello. I like it!!! I've kept in my points and plan to continue today. Tomorrow is a different story. I have no idea what I'll eat and all. I plan on being conscious of stopping when I'm full and ordering what I want (seafood). We are taking some snacks in our suit cases. Parker is soooo picky when it comes to eating. I'll be prepared! It's time to get a packing!!!

Do Tattoos Make You a Better Mom?

2010-07-15T08:28:00.000-05:00

(Sorry, this turned into a rant) eek

Parker had an appointment with the orthopedic pediatric surgeon for his arm yesterday. Of course he is 6' and 16 and thinks he too "big" for these places that are filled with little kids running around. So he was grouchy and into his phone.
I started watching this family that came in. It was the mom, grandma, three kids. Mom was busy filling out paper work while grandma looked at a magazine. The two girls, about middle school age and one in elementary settled down in front of the TV to watch the movie that was playing. The older girl was very much into the younger one, taking care of her, giving her attention. That left the little guy, probably about 3 to run around like a wild man even with a broken arm! In the few seconds I observed him he ran across a row of chairs (luckily the place had kind of emptied out), ran circles around the waiting room, kicked several chairs, jumped on a chair to see out the window and of course leaving his imprints...dove under a table, rolled over the floor, ran by his sister and pinched her...ran by his mom and kicked her and when she yelled at him (with out looking up mind you) he dove under the row of chairs, and mauled a plant. The only person talking or parenting him was the older girl who yelled at him now and then.

Inside I was thinking he's just like Jack when he riled up and wants attention and wants to play.
Look at this child...make eye contact...smile at him....watch him....Pay attention to him....someone...anyone???

As I watch the mom, noting their clothing, ages and trying to make guess about them (yeah I was bored), I noticed a huge Tattoo on her leg with her kids names on it. I kind of snickered. That old feeling of frustration with OPP (other peoples parenting) came back. I shouldn't be judging. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
But I just wanted to say to this mom...look at your boy...look at him..give him 5 seconds. He is craving your attention....any ones attention. He needs attention damit. See him running around? That's not appropriate. He is old enough to be sitting calmly.
Teach him. Give him the skills to do this or at the very least interact with him between pages.

The only attention he got was negative. Do you know what kind of student this will be?
The kind that misbehaves because that is the only kind of attention he gets. The kind that may not be successful because he's needy.
I work with the two extreme type of students. The honor students whose parents are involved and care about their kids and the ones who parents are disconnected and hardly fit to be parents themselves or just don't have the skills.
The ones whose parents are connected have it much easier. It has nothing to do with money or socioeconomics. Well, a little it does. But, I had plenty of kids with problems this year whose parents had money and plenty of honor kids who were poor but had parents who care. But it's really not about money, it's about parenting or lack of it.

I guess that's it. I'm putting my expectations on other people. Maybe because I value humans and I know what it's like to be ignored and lonely. I know that kids just want to be acknowledged. Validated. Loved. Paid attention to. They want to be parented!

Putting a tattoo on your leg doesn't make you a better mom. Sorry.
I think a better tattoo would be on her writst that said..Pay attention to your beautiful kids! :)

Summer

2010-07-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

I love summer. Besides the fact that I don't work in the summer, it's a time when I get to do the things I like the most~ sleep, read, swim, walk, be alone! Most importantly I can go to the grocery store during the week and not fight the crowds like I usually have to do on the weekends!

Last summer for me was basketball and a sick mother. Every weekend I was either at Parker's tournaments or out of town at my mom's side. It wasn't the most ideal situation.

This summer is so different. Parker quit his travel basketball team to concentrate on the school team and of course my mom is now gone, so we have all this time. What to do? Take a vacation of course. With my husband turning 50, we decided to splurge and go somewhere tropical....He picked the Cayman Islands. We leave Saturday. It will be so good to get away for a bit. I'm not thrilled about being in public in my bathing suit. That's a no- no for me. I figure I'll either keep a pina coloda in my hand or wear sunglasses so people can't see the mortification in my eyes. Either way I'm determined to enjoy it. I'm also determined to get some walking in. I will have lots of pictures with my new Fuji camera that is water proof and lots of fun moments I'm sure. I will have to take out Parker's stitches while we are there...but that's another story. I love summer.

My summers used to include a visit from cousins in Washington. We always took out-of-towners to White Sands in NM. This is my cousin Danny and myself many years ago!

Until Then

2010-07-12T17:06:00.000-05:00

I keep thinking, and I know this is the worst thing a person can do, I keep thinking when I'm thinner I'll shop here or there. When I'm thin I'll have more confidence to go out and more energy to go places. When I'm thin I'll be a better wife and a better person all round. HUH?
I know from the past though, that's a bunch of bull~ even though I sometimes forget and think it's true. It really is all about the journey to get there and not the end result.

So until then, because then maybe never be now, I am working on living in the moment and making each and every moment special and important. Each and every moment significant. Lot's of amazing things are happening in my world every day and I must honor these events good or bad.
I feel so wise. Like Yoda I feel. Oh and I never take myself seriously!!!!

2010-07-12T16:53:00.000-05:00

Last week I lost one pound. Hmmmm.

I stayed with in my points. I exercised every day.

I walked 14.5 miles and biked about 25 miles. I think this is going to be slow going.

How do I quit thinking of food and just do it?

I'm always thinking of my next meal~ even when I'm not hungry.

I guess I've got a lot of time on my hands so I am always thinking of FOOD.

I should get a hobby :)

But in less than a month I'll be so busy with school I won't think about anything but that.

Until then.........

Port Aransas. Icky seaweed.

Gotta Keep Moving

2010-07-11T08:11:00.000-05:00

This week I wasn't as pumped as last week.

I guess because it was harder to get creative with food.

One day in fact my appetite was insatiable. I was over by 16 points.

Of course these are part of what I'm allowed.

Still. I peeked at the scale and was up 1.5 @@@@@.

Why? I guess bike riding uses different muscles?

It's a motivation killer. But not enough to make me give up. No way.

So far this week I've ridden the bike about 15 miles and walked about 13 or so..not really sure.

One day I was either biking or waking for 2 hours.

I thought I was gonna die from heat stroke. ha. 9:30 to 11:30 AM is not the best time for exercising outside.

Today I plan to walk 3 miles and hopefully bike A LOT.

We shall see. I want to go go go but my knees whine and ache.

Can't loose weight fast enough for them:)

Jack after a trip to the dog park.

Disaster...Well Sort Of

2010-07-06T19:31:00.001-05:00

Ok. When your 16 year old asks you to do something with him, first you take it as a compliment and then you accept.

We got our new bikes.

I've been researching bike trails in the area especially the one that is close to our home.

I planned on trying it...sometime.
Parker informs me last night that he really wanted to try out those trails.

Would I go with him? Today?This morning? Of course I said ok.

My new bike isn't a mountain bike nor an off- road bike.

It's a cruiser. Street cruiser. For streets. I tell him the last thing I want to do is get a flat tire.
So be patient with me.

See where this is going?

We head out and discover a beautiful pond and some amazing trails.

All is going well.

It took a lot longer than I expected because he kept going off trails and I stopped to gawk a lot.
We left at 9 A.M. and it was already hot.

But riding a bike gives you a nice breeze.

Lots of the trails HE took looked like this. I knew better.

Until.....

He coaxes me into one. "It's smooth Mom."

Uh huh. Smooth is relative.

But I did it and it was fun even though I don't have a mountain bike like him.
I did a few more short ones. Tempting fate I guess.

So on we go to our destination.
Well sort of. We couldn't find the right path to go the last mile.

We made it three miles though.

We can't find the trail head leading to the last area and I just follow him not really caring as long as I'm moving and getting a breeze. He ends up heading back.

A mile into the ride which I was enjoying immensely knowing I would soon be in my air-conditioned care, I encounter two burly bikers side by side taking up the trail. They don't budge so I did what Parker did and took an undeveloped trail around the tree that was making the path so narrow.

Parker meantime is going on these off -shoots and catching up with me, circling me, yada yada yada.

So I'm slow. So what.

Anyways.... I start hearing a funny noise.

It won't go away. Sheesh.

I finally get off my bike.

Oh shoot, I discover that my back tire is flat.

Dang. I shouldn't have gone around that last tree.

Long story short, well not really but, I had to walk the bike the last two miles.

Parker was worried about me. What could should we do??

I told him just keep going and I'll walk the bike back. No biggie.

I said,"Ride all you want and wait at the car for me or come and find me. I don't care," LOL

He rode ahead and came back and said,

"About two more miles Mom."

Greeeaaatttttt.

So I walked it...he ended up putting his bike on the rack and walking to meet me which I didn't want him to do since someone could have taken his bike, but he got my bike from me and walked it back.

I was hot and thirsty.

I didn't have my walking shoes.

My face was beet red.

But I put music on my iPhone and walked and enjoyed the scenery despite the darn sun beating down on me like a fiery ball of fire that it is.

But I made it and enjoyed it in the end.

Lessons learned:

1. No trails on the Townie!!!!!!

2. Wear walking shoes when you ride just in case.

3. Take more water.

4. Expect the unexpected.

No disaster is a disaster as long as you keep smiling and your kid is looking out for you!

Bye Bye

2010-07-06T08:31:00.001-05:00

This is the official weekly checkin for my ~~diet~~, errrr lifestyle change, aka Weight Watchers. It's going very well. I realize I need to journal food and have boundaries set, and exercise is kind of fun right now. Oh and necessary. I'm officially down 3.5 lbs. I'll take it. Enough about that....that's soooo boring to talk about. :)

What is exciting to me is that I got a new friend!!!!! She doesn't have a name. I think it's a she, not even sure about that..but I like her.

It's a Townie Balloon 3i.

EASY to ride and let me tell you...cutttteeeeee...dorky, but cute.

When I bought her the manager asked if I would be interested in a ladies bike group.

They ride four times a year and wear silly hats.

At first I was like...oh brother...but I found myself saying..YES sounds like fun.

Who am I and where is my old self?

We rode around the neighborhood yesterday. I was using different muscles and it was hard, but oh so much fun. This morning I've committed myself to a 8.5 bike mile ride with Parker through some greenbelt trails. I told him I might have to stop now and then.

Ask me in January when I couldn't even walk because of my back and I would have laughed at you all the way to bed!!!!

Now I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and pretending I'm young!!!! Bye bye old me. Right now I'm rediscovering the old gal whose been stuck in here too long!!

Happy Fourth of July

2010-07-04T21:36:00.000-05:00

What a week!!! I have to say walking and eating right is hard work, but it's been worth it. My official weigh in is tomorrow, but I peeked this morning and was down 2.5. Ok I guess. Tonight I read through some WW message boards. I was using my exercise points each day, but if I don't use them I might have better results. So I basically used my 35 extra points. Bottom line ~ I still used 6 activity points. I'll do better next week. I walked a total of 22 miles this week. I'm happy. We are doing nothing special this fourth. Got invited to some neighbors house for a block party, but opted to stay home. I walked Jack and Parker and I swam. Nothing exciting happening in my neck of the woods. Oh we watched Toy Story 3 and at one point I cried like a baby...hahahah. I'm a wimp.

The Last Two Days

2010-07-01T20:43:00.000-05:00

Check in time :) So far so good. I've stayed within my points and walked three miles each night.

The real test will come when I'm tempted to blow it.

It hasn't happened yet, but it will and I just hope I can stay strong.

This is a weakness of mine...stay away from the pastries!!!

Smiles

2010-07-01T08:07:00.005-05:00

Today's post is from Mama Kat's prompts #3) Write a list of 10 things that are sure to put a smile on your face when you are not happy.

1. Husband Bubby. Gosh I just have to remember his love and loyalty and I feel warm and cozy.

2. Parker, my one and only. I am so incredibly lucky to have him and have such a healthy and happy kid.

3. Molly my dog. Her calmness and constant love sustain me in sad times.

4. Jack my dog. I just like hugging the big puppy.

5. Chocolate. Enough said.

6. My comfortable bed. Here I can shut out the world, put the covers over my head and recharge.

7. A good book. There's nothing like getting lost in a different world.

8. My home. My sanctuary.

9. My students. On my saddest days I am able to forget everything and just soak up their energy. It's amazing.

10. Gratitude for all I have!

Tuesday

2010-06-29T18:32:00.000-05:00

Ok Folks....I did something this morning I haven't done in years. I've been wanting to try it for a while. I walked 4.5 miles!! (I've only been doing 1.5 miles at a time) Ever since my minor back surgery in January, subsequent back-aches here and there, heel issues, knee issues, I've been either chicken or too lazy to try pushing it. This morning I had three things going for me:

1. It was a bit cooler. Still humid, but cooler and breezy.

2. I tried Jack without his pinch collar. BIG mistake. He pulled the entire 1.5 mile loop I make with him. When we got home I dropped him off, got my IPOD and kept going. It was SO easy at first without a 60lb puppy dragging me along!

3. I felt enormously guilty for not doing anything yesterday ( Monday) so I wanted to make up for it.

I did it!!!

Now 7 hours later my knees and thighs are stiff and my back is a bit achy. Nothing major. I'll take my Motrin tonight and will be fine! Once I get moving I'm ok. My heel isn't too bad. I feel like I can do this more often.

I would say I walked at a low to moderate pace...so that gives me between 5 and 7 points extra. I usually don't use them, but today at lunch I was ravenous. Ate at Alamo Cafe...fajita tacos, rice/bns/guac/pico/queso. I left quite a bit of beans/rice/queso. Probably was 18 points. Well probably less. Who knows! For dinner I had a baked potato w/ yogurt butter and green beans....w/ breakfast my total so far is 33 pts. With the activity points I'm ok. :)

This is Jack. He walks me every day!!

Monday

2010-06-29T16:36:00.000-05:00

I thought I would start this ~~diet~~ life-style change off with what I ate in a photo spread. I'm a teacher, so my summers are wonderfully free for me. I spend the first part of every June no knowing what to do with myself and then I figure it out by July. Monday I tackled cleaning my closet, dresser and night stand. I took a car load of stuff to Goodwill. It's my summer ritual. I think tomorrow I may tackle the study closet or Parker's room.

I always have the same thing for breakfast. If I get bored with it I'll switch. When I'm working I'll gobble down yogurt and sip on coffee all morning. I may or may not have time for my energy bar. In the summer however I get both in.

Total Points - 9

(Yogurt=3 and energy bar=5 Coffee=1)

I'm sure I can find lower point substitutions for these. But these keep me filled up and I hate to let my blood sugar drop.

Lunch varies during the summer. Today I had a sandwich and carrots and water. :)

Total of 5 points. Later on I ate the strawberries and blueberries. I think it is 2 points.

Tonight dinner is a baby spinach/romaine lettuce salad. I added in

tomatoes: 0

cucumber:0

sweet chili chicken breast: 4

olive oil italian dressing:5

croutons: 1

egg whites (2): 0

I'm allowed 29 points and so far I've used 27. I'll have some ice-cream later after I walk.

Wish everyday was this easy. :) I also have about 24 ounces of water to drink which I'm sure I will after the walk! UGH humidity!!

I didn't walk. It was raining.

Finnegan Begin Again

2010-06-29T16:31:00.000-05:00

This time is it. I swear. I'm going to give it my best effort. It being another stab at getting into the weight-loss mode. I've done it before. Now, it's becoming critical.

So I plan on using this blog as a means of recording the journey. I know when school starts I'll be so busy, or when I have a headache, I'll feel like crap and will fall off the wagon and not do this. But I'm going to try. ~~I will probably fail.~~ I won't fail this time. I've got to find better coping mechanisms.

I've been reading as many weight -loss blogs as I can find hoping to find some inspiration. I have. Some amazing people out there have done this. It makes me feel like I can too. I'm not alone in using food as my comforting factor. I've got to work on that along with making some better food choices.

So, my plans are to:

1. Write down my food. I figure I'll keep a notebook and try to get it on the computer. If I don't get it on the computer every day that is OK. I will always journal food in my planner.

2. I will no longer be eating at my computer. I will either eat outside or at the table or bar.

3. Up my water. I'm going to try and drink 64 ounces. (I dunno about this one. I peed a river yesterday, UGH)

4. Walk every day. It's easy to do with my dog, Jack. I'm going to try for 3 miles daily, but will settle for 1.5 for now- as soon as I see that I'm sticking with this I will be upping exercise greatly.

5. I've been debating whether to do WW and count points or to just listen to my hunger. I think initially I will do WW and see how that goes. I am also going to listen to my hunger level and try to get a better handle on that. I tend to know when I'm full and yet continue to stuff myself because of some strange feeling that I shouldn't leave it or waste it. Or since I know it's bad...I just do it.

6. Stay ACTIVE. Stay BUSY. One of the main reasons I overeat is out of boredom. I hate trying new things because I get anxious, so I don't do anything, but then I get bored. But I love trying new things after the fact. I've got to get over the hump and out of my comfort zone to make this work.

7. Forgive myself if I have a bad day or a migraine. Sometimes I can't walk, I just have to get in bed and take a break from the world until the headache goes away. Not the end of the world. Not a reason to scrap eating right.

So that's it!!!

Bye-bye Old Melva

He Turned 16!!

2010-06-28T07:40:00.001-05:00

My baby turned 16.

My one and only.

My cheeky monkey.

Can't believe he's driving.

Independent.

Responsible.

Growing up.

Sweet Child of Mine....just don't ever grow away!

First New Recipe

2010-06-13T08:16:00.000-05:00

I make a great dish that I found in the Real Simple magazine. Pretty good :)

Creamy Fettucine with Leeks, Corn and Argula

It called for Argugula leaves which I had never heard of or paid attention. Of course after I bought them I noticed them mentioned in several other recipes.

This is the end result. It was really good. I'm the only one that eats stuff with green in it..hahaha. I did get several meals out of it :)

My Summer Bucket List~ 30 Things

2010-06-10T08:21:00.000-05:00

1. Swim most days
2. Clean out my closet
3. Clean out the guest room closet
4. Clean out Parker's closet
5. Oh heck- clean out all our closets!
6. Take Jack and Molly to the dog park a few times
7. Walk Jack DAILY
8. Try Yoga
9. Eat healthier
10. Eat only until I'm full
11. Read 4 books
12. Nap Daily
13. Paint school shelves
14. Organize recipes and cookbook
15. Get a massage during the 5 day headache period
16. Take lots of pictures
17. Try a new walking trail
18. See a few movies
19. Keep the backyard free of weeds
20. Drink margaritas
21. Learn how to grill better
22. Try a new recipe or two weekly
23. Go through my mom's stuff :(
24. Get Parker to try new foods
25. Go to Dallas
26. Write more
27. Worry less
28. Keep moving
29. More girl nights
30. Listen more

The Prompts

2010-06-10T08:20:00.001-05:00

Pick one and write :)

The Prompts:

1.) Soundtrack of your life: Pick 10 songs that you would have on a soundtrack for your life, pick a line from each that you most identify with and write a short statement of why this song made it.
2.) Before I was a mom…
3.) What would it take? Write an imaginary scene where someone you are still angry with finally deserves to be forgiven.
4.) 30 things you vow to do this summer.
5.) The ultimate honey-do list. If your spouse agreed to do any ten things you asked, what would they be?

Thanks to: http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/ for these prompts.

The Light

2010-05-28T06:15:00.000-05:00

At the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter.

School is almost out!!!

One more week and we can call it quits for another year.

Summer is the BEST time of year for me.

I love the heat, I love the Sun, I love the freedom summer brings.

Most of all I love the time I have by being off work for a while.

Teachers need summer to re-charge and re-fresh. I know I do.

While I will miss the students and the routine, I'll make up for it doing things I choose to do.

So here's to you Summer and may we have lots of Light!!

Parker and friends many summers ago!

I Am Happy and Nice

2010-05-23T07:32:00.000-05:00

I like Jason Mraz's music, but mostly his attitude. He is so positive.

Why is it easier to affirm “something’s wrong” than to say “everything’s great?”

Isn’t it strange for us to say, “I’m lazy. I’m fat. I’m no good,” thereby creating our life experience to be one that is late, tired, and worthless. Leave it to our egos to keep us in that small game and hold us back. If you haven’t started yet, I invite you take on affirmations that brighten your day. Create a bigger life for yourself simple by saying things like, “I am tireless, perfect being. I have access to everything and I am complete.”(taken from his FB notes)

The hardest part about my days when I have to work is when I'm fighting off a headache. I tell myself, OK it's survival just get through the day and I do. But lately I've been telling myself. Smile. Have fun~ headache or not. Absorb the day. Soak it in. It's so hard to make my frown become a smile. It really does take a lot more energy. But I think it pays off. My students who left my academy class had to pick their favorite academy teacher and say why they were their favorite. As I collected the forms for the administrator I peeked at what they wrote, and one kid wrote. Mrs. Gloden is my favorite because she is always happy and nice. I thought to myself. I'm not always happy nor am I nice. However, I try to be to them. And the more I try to feel, really feel happy, the more I become it.

It then radiates from me and the nicer I am :)

My little happy place.

Rowena, Texas 1970

2010-05-12T06:36:00.000-05:00

Going to Grandma’s House

Rowena, Texas 1970

I’m eight years old and

Eight hours seems an eternity.

West Texas heat is relentless

And hair misbehaves in the gusts of heatwind.

A typical midsummer and we

Head to Rowena.

Kinfolk Family Relatives Home

Grandma’s house is special.

I hope nothing has changed in Rowena.

Green station wagon loaded.

Baby and baggage in the back

Three cramped kids in the middle.

Me on the hump wondering what to do with my feet.

Eight hours between us.

Dad never gets bored,

Just lights another cigarette….

Sips coffee.

Mom looks happy going home.

They talk.

Seems like everyone but me sleeps.

I am too excited…

I wait and wait and wait.

Now I see Saint Joseph’s Catholic Church

Poking up over the horizon.

Whoever sees the steeple first wins the game.

So I shout, “I see Rowena!” and

Kids stir awake. Smiles appear.

Nothing changes going to Rowena.

Soon we exit -

Cross the tracks and go

Past the tall water tower,

White-gray clad houses line the street,

Schuhmann’s Hardware on the left

Next to the First National Bank of Rowena, Texas.

Post Office on the right,

Down First Street we go… passing memories as we

Pull into the long caliche driveway,

Nothing has changed in Rowena.

I get out of the car… stretch…and look…

White washed shed shelters 1957 BelAir

Pomegranate bush…heavy.

Gray rainwater cistern…

Backyard hen pen…

Daylilies. Roses. Pyracanthas. The eloquent Mimosa Tree.

Tall Crepe Myrtle next to the spidery cellar.

Fenceless grass grows aimlessly amid

Tall Evergreens.

Rusted push mower still graces the forgotten garden.

The path of rain-washed stones leading to the washhouse

Is barely visible in the wild and free grass.

All still there. All the same.

Doesn’t anything change In Rowena?

Grandpa’s sittin on the screened back porch

Smoking his sweet scented pipe.

His cedar cane is hooked

On his chair arm.

His brown leather slippers so clean and shiny -

Sweet Schlitz Beer breath, whiskery kiss.

Makes your eyes water.

Grandma’s tight cream curls,

Faded perma- pressed dress,

Starched embroidered apron,

Black leather slippers scuffed and used.

Squeezes you so tight and warm

The scent of Roses Roses lingers on my cheek.

Rowena never changes.

I hop up on the red tall chair

And look at the familiar scene:

Two fresh loaves of homemade molasses bread,

Next to the German chocolate cake,

Fresh orange juice, not Tang,

July Eggnog, jug of tea and percolated coffee.

Roast, carrots and potatoes in the oven.

Green beans on the table begging to be snapped.

This…in the yellow kitchen where I watch

Grandma work her magic.

Thank goodness nothing changes in Rowena.

In the morning we will go to Aunt Frieda’s

Rainy-day cloudy colored house and gather her.

Then we will go to Bill and Annie’s farm.

Dad will drive 25 miles an hour so we can

See the rows and rows and rows of cotton.

He will talk about things of the past,

Of the crops, of the soil and of

Childhood memories

Which I don’t understand.

We pass the cemetery

With the soaring evergreen giants.

Where generations of husbands and wives …..and memories are buried.

Time stands still in Rowena.

The adventure of Bill and Annie’s farm

Never changes.

We all visit and examine the cotton on

Uncle Bill’s farm.

Another bad year according to him.

Has he ever had a good year?

We pay homage to the dog graves and

Remember sweet Amber.

We explore the forgotten rooms of the old farm house,

Childless, dank and dark.

And dare each other to go in the cellar.

We run from wasps and chase some cows.

I find the box on the top shelf filled with paper dolls.

Aunt Annie smiles.

Soon everyone will pile in cars.

Uncle Bill will drive slower than Dad.

Eternally we go through more rows of country.

We eat steak fingers and onion rings at Lowake Inn

And drink iced cold Dr. Pepper out of a bottle.

I hope nothing ever changes in Rowena.

It’s been a long time since 1982, when the last of the

Rowena kinfolk passed away.

“Once one went, they all went.” Mom sighs.

It’s now 2002 and Grandma’s house

Has been remodeled, the calichie roads

Are paved. Her yard - pristine.

Schuhman’s Hardware is now

A convenience store. Uncle Bill’s farmhouse

Needs to be torn down and the cellar taken out.

Then more land could be farmed.

But… when I need to get away

From these responsible years,

I just close my eyes

And remember a simpler time when ….

Nothing changed in Rowena.

My New Walking Partner

2010-05-08T05:59:00.002-05:00

I'm finally walking.
I found a great new walking buddy.
He also has the perk of being cute and full of personality.
We go and go and he never complains that I'm walking too fast or too slow even though I know secretly he'd like to go faster.
He is such a good sport.
He also is a great motivator and will never let me try and beg out of going.
Nope.
He makes sure I keep my end of the bargain.

Thanks Jack!!!

For keeping me walking which I so very much need.

Never mind about the two bedspreads, flip flops, two reading glasses, 10 magazines, basketball shoes, rugs, socks, stains, and miscellaneous other articles you've managed to chew up.

I know you are a good guy and I think I'll keep you around a bit.

Who knew you'd be such a good dog after all!!

Missing My Mom

2010-04-27T17:52:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I forget she is gone and I think I need to call her and tell her something.

It is happening less and less.

Her house is sold and all we have left is memories.

I am so incredibly blessed and grateful I had a mom for so many years.

What a treasure!!!

She really wasn't a dog person at all.

But you wouldn't know it from this picture :)

Sleeping

2010-04-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

This is Parker asleep.

He sleeps with his left eye partially open because he had surgery on his eyelid when he was four.

He doesn't believe me when I tell him his eye is open.

So I took a picture!!

Now he believes me.

Happy Day Off

2010-04-23T21:54:00.001-05:00

I love having a free day off for Fiesta. I don't even go to Fiesta, but I'll sure take the day off.

Today was errands day. I got my monthly pedicure, and wax. And even a manicure this time. Then I begrudgingly took Parker and his friend to CiCi's for pizza (blech). I had promised him though. Sigh.

THEN we went to the Boerne courthouse and applied for our passports. This is something we've been meaning to do for a while. So methinks this summer we will go to the Cayman Islands. It's a 50th birthday for Bubby.

I wonder if I can loose say OH 50 lbs by then? ha.

Dreaming of swimming with the fish!

Walkin

2010-04-21T22:19:00.005-05:00

I've been walking thanks to this guy~

Jack keeps me on my toes for sure. If you don't walk him, he lets you know by incessantly hounding ( haha) you to death. Tonight Parker and I did a mile with him and Molly.
Honestly a mile isn't enough for Jack, but it's all we had time for as Parker had lots of homework.

Tonight I walked fast, so fast that it became a run. Yes a run. Me. Uh huh. Bad back and bad heal and I can still trot.

Of course Parker could walk as fast as my run but he's a 15 year old athlete :) It felt so good!!!!

Thank you Jack for keeping me moving!!!!
PS I forgive you for the Gatoraide bottle you chewed up that still had Gatoraide in it which is now all over my bedroom carpet. Sigh.

That's What I'm Talking About

2010-04-18T10:23:00.000-05:00

I've was watching a woman walking with her young boys. She was helping the younger one on a tricycle thingy while the older one was on his Razor scooter. I remember Parker at both those ages and how much fun we had going on walks. But my first thought was I'm glad he's older. I thought at every age it was the "best"age, but as he gets older I enjoy him more and more. How can that be? I loved the baby stage, I loved the toddler stage, I loved the elementary years and middle school years. It just gets better and better. It doesn't get easier just better.

This car stage is fun. He turns 16 in June and already got his new car. He is becoming more and more responsible every day. I love it. Soon he will be gone. That's OK because I expect it to just get better and better. It always does!

I did It

2010-04-18T10:12:00.000-05:00

I walked. A real walk. Not the dog walks around neighborhood. A real walk with hills. It was 45 minutes up the "big" hill and back. I used to do this walk often. My back was aching, but now it's not. It felt good to get out and do something.

I ate a yogurt w/ blueberries before I left and now I'm shaky, so I'm eating a Luna protein bar. :) I tired the oat bran w/ almond butter but it didn't go down. It had a good taste. I'm always just not hungry in the morning until it hits, then I'm ravished. I'm also drinking a huge glass of water something I don't get enough of when I teach!!! Happy Sunday.

Today

2010-04-18T08:53:00.000-05:00

Today I'm back on track. That's how I roll, one day out of three months. LOL I'm constantly held back by stress. As soon as I de-stress the other me emerges. The "me" that wants to eat healthy and exercise and has energy. I don't know how to share that energy with my job and with my personal life. After a day of teaching I just want to come home and get in bed and re-charge. Bad habit. Working with at-risk kids is emotionally draining. I need to find a better balance.

This morning I made oat bran cereal with almond milk and a couple of spoonfuls of almond butter. Jenna@ Eat, Live, Run eats a version of this. It was OK..but I put in too much almond. I've never been fond of oatmeal unless I have toast with it or unless it has a lot of sugar. So I think I'll stick to my yogurt and fruit!!

The Present

2010-04-11T22:02:00.000-05:00

Three of the last four weeks I've had headaches. Don't know if it's the pollen in the air or what, but it was not fun. It was enough to get me off track of being healthy. This time I'm going to start noting my feelings and try to separate them from food and see if I can actually do that.

In the Moment

2010-03-19T07:17:00.000-05:00

It's early morning and the world around me is slowly waking up. My head is slightly hurting, a sign I should take my migraine pill although I really don't want to because I don't want to have to lay down or feel the effects of the pill. I'll wait to see if it goes away.
I've enjoyed this spring break. I needed it so much. I had two drs. appts, a physical therapy consult, got my hair cut and highlighted for spring, took Jack in to be neutered, read two books and I still have today!!!
I wish to be able to write on here daily. I want to record and reflect more. Slow down. Start making my mind let go of things easier. I can attempt it and see how it goes. I seem to only write on here when I'm not working and the creativity is put to this.

In the moment. That is how I want to live. I don't want to go back to my childhood and continue using those feelings as excuses. I want to go back to my childhood and remember good friends and family times. In the moment I want to love and live.

Back to Work

2010-01-14T06:27:00.002-06:00

I'm going to work after being off for 8 days because of my surgery. Luckily I've been able to keep up with emails and grading from home. We are doing semester tests this week and so the kids are there just 1/2 days which is a nice transition for me. I'm so blessed to feel so good. Thank you!!!!! In return I promise to take better care of my body and not be such a glutton :) Love, me!!

Post Surgery

2010-01-06T22:33:00.000-06:00

My surgery seems to be a success!!!!!! As I awoke in the recovery room my first thought was : I feel no pain. I said, "It doesn't hurt anymore!!!" No more leg pain!! Just amazing to me. My back hurts of course. I will have back pain for a while, but that is to be expected. I do have a lot of pain meds to get me though this, but I'm going to assume that nothing will be as painful as what I have been going through since last Friday :) I have so much to be thankful for. I hope I can take this experience and use it to better my body and myself. Thank you God and the Universe for this experience!!

Pre-Surgery

2010-01-05T07:28:00.000-06:00

I'm having back surgery tomorrow.
It's called a "Minimally Invasive Lumbar Tubular Microdiscectomy"
In other words the doctor will make a small incision in my back, go in with a scope and camera and remove a bit of the spine, move my nerve out of the way, trim my "bulge"(the disc that is protruding), replace the nerve and hopefully that will do the trick.
My only fear is that I will still have pain.
Or that it won't work.
But I think it will be better then what I'm dealing with now.
For the last 5 days I haven't been able to walk, stand straight, or feel painless. It's been a nightmare.

This is me right now. I look and feel like crap. Things can only get better :) LOL

Fresh

2010-01-05T07:12:00.001-06:00

this is the old me

I love new beginnings.
I love change.
I love a balance between change and security.
I love positive more than negative.
It is so much easier to complain than be grateful and yet the gratitude is so much more productive and beautiful.

After not being able to walk because of my back yesterday, a vision of me in wheel chairs, canes, walkers invaded my head.
That was fast.

Ha. I realize how much I take my health for granted.

Everyday lately I've been eating whatever I want and whenever I want with no regard to the outcome. I've got to think differently. I've got to add some discipline into my life. I've got to quit rewarding myself with food.
Food is fuel and food is life, but it shouldn't consume my life.
Fresh. Start.

Get ready to see the "New Me".....emerge !! Photos to come in the future!