Why Do All My Blogging Juices Go?

When school starts why can't I suck up anything to write about? I guess my creative juices, I mean dribbles are sucked up for classroom activities. I spend 1.5 hours Wednesday night coming up with an activity for my students because I could see they were having a hard time getting a concept. Then last night I left school at 6 p.m.   School...hmph.

NYC Non-poem

Her eyes danced at the prospect of finally going to NYC after all these years

And we’ll eat lunch at Tavern on the Green. For so long I’ve wanted to go there.

If all I do is go there, I’ll be satisfied.

But how will you get around? How will you handle all that walking?

Oh they cater to older people.

It didn’t take much convincing me because the excitement in her voice was enough.

I would do this for her. I would go to NYC and be her traveling companion. My inner voice was saying   m-i-s-t-a-k-e. But I ignored it. My mom, almost 80, wanted to go to NYC and by golly I would go with her. On a tour bus. With old folks. One of those. But still. Big busses have steps. She doesn’t do steps well.

Every so often she would call me from San Angelo. Still going, right? Yes mom. I will send you my money in March. I haven’t forgotten. OK. Just checking.

March came, we paid, we were set to go. She would call…..just two more months, Melva, are you ready?

This tour out of Abilene TX did everything for you. It toured all the typical places in NYC, let you stay at a fancy hotel, showed you major landmarks, and see two Broadway shows and still let you have time to roam around. What a deal!! We talked often about how excited we were. I was secretly worried about her traveling, but she assured me she was ready for the challenge and she was.

Our tour was set to go in June and she was so excited. In April she went to St. Louis to visit her brother who was dying and would stay with my sister who lived there at that time. She bought all her clothes for the trip while she was there. She carefully picked out the fanciest dress for the Tavern. She would call me and ask if I had my shopping for the trip done. I would ask her what to wear…and she would reply, It’s New York you HAVE to dress up. Especially for the shows and the Tavern. Oh gosh mom.

But, she never made the trip. Strange things started happening to her on that trip to St. Louis and she never recovered. We still held out hope though. After a clot in her lung and a diagnosis of congestive heart failure we still hoped for the best. The doctor told her: After three weeks of rehab Mrs. Namken you’ll be able to do whatever you want.

She never recovered. In rehab she got dehydrated-she nearly died then….she got moved to a nursing home….oh we still talked NY but things like…well I want you to go if I can’t were spoken…..Oh mom you’ll go…just concentrate on getting better. She didn’t. Infections happened, fluids got trapped inside her, nothing was going right. It seemed hopeless. We stopped talking about it.

I went in June with my niece. Yes, we had a great time. My niece is 23 years younger than me and all the old people on the bus thought we were roommates. It was awesome. But it was terrible too. I felt so alive there, but constantly thought mom should be here too. It was sad.

I showed her pictures when I got back. Tavern was the biggest disappointment. I told her , but I don’t think she believed me.  By then her mind wasn’t as clear. She didn’t comment on any of them….just smiled and said they are nice. She didn’t seem happy or sad. She was just there. That’s how it was until the end. I didn’t know if her mind was there or not or if she was happy or sad. Sometimes she would say I just don’t know how to get better. Then you would think she was there…but then she would go back into her world of quiet. Depression in old people sucks the life out of them.

Mom lasted until the end of September. We actually saw her improving and yet was she?  None of us knew.

She’s gone and I’d love for this to be a poem. But it isn’t. There’s nothing poetic in me about her right now except grief and gratitude. I’m so happy she lived so long and so sad she left so early. I miss her.

This poem was inspired by Mama Kats writing workshop!! 

Gratitude Smatitude

Time for a gratitude photo essay!!! Thanks World!! 

My good friend who has stuck by me for a long time!!!!! Thanks Camille!! 

 Bubby of course :)

Parker is just awesome and makes my life fun fun fun!!! 

Parker doing skateboarding. Hasn't done it since 6th grade.@@@@ 

Still I'm grateful for him and all he can do. 

He's been watching too much TV. 

Wore out his perfectly good shoes. 

Laughing at himself. :) 

 Oh gosh....These two creatures are my babies too.

 Molly is my girl and Jack keeps me moving. 

Some divine universe intervention or just randomness made us pick

you both. I'm just glad we did. :)

 Flowers. Lots of flowers. 

OH the list could go on and on and on :) 

Thanks!! 

3.) The most unbelievable blue eyes you've ever seen... from Mama Kats of course!!!  

Me at age 5

      A beat up, dirty, skinny, matted, ugly thing with amazing blue eyes was my first love. At five I could love anything in need and this kitten was in need of love! I had just left my friend Susan's house and was headed home per my mom's instructions when I heard and saw her.
     She was hiding under a car crying and without thinking of all the dangers associated with strays I had been taught, I picked her up and walked up the block home. I think Susan's mom fainted when she saw what I was doing! My mom was glaring at me from the front door and within hearing range she screamed at me....PUT THAT CAT RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT!!!!!...........so I did...I had to crawl under the car to put her back because you know that 5 year olds are literal.I tucked her safely back under the middle of the car. 

      I had tears of anguish at having to do this. Mom's can be so mean and cruel I thought. Oh cruel world.  I said good-bye to my pathetic and beautiful new friend and sobbed my way home. Only about 1/2 way there did I realize that cat had been following me.I even tried to loose it. If I walked towards the left, she did. If I did a circle, she did. I could still see my mom glaring at me from the front door, but I knew this time it wasn't my fault. I had done EXACTLY what she said! 
   When I arrived I realized that my mom's glare had turned to compassion and she melted too. Her first meal with us was softly fried eggs. Once infused with love, food and a good bath Tiger Lilly was a striking Siamese mix that melted even my mom's heart!! 

Gratitude and Prayer

I started reading Eat, Pray, and Love a year ago and stopped for some reason. So since the movie is coming out starting Julia Roberts, I decided yesterday that I wanted to finish it. In the book she goes to three places in year. The first place is Italy and I read that yesterday. Then I started the India visit. Wow....it's different. I'm into what she is saying and it all makes sense (I think),  but there is so much to remember and it's such a different mind set to have a Guru and go to an Ashram and meditate and do yoga with a yogi and get up at 3a.m. and not talk for many hours. 

But it has inspired me this morning to remember to be grateful for the people, opportunities and things in my life. I stopped asking for things in my prayers long ago and started simply being grateful 

(Ok, I ask Mother Mary for certain things since she too is a mom and can understand and I think she is good about listening!)

I do acknowledge the want or need I or a friend might have and acknowledge that I am thankful for the opportunity either positive or negative and the opportunity it gives. 

                                                                                  

I usually always start my gratitude list with this guy or my husband. I especially like that he has the same sense of humor as me and is always teasing and joking. (unless he's hungry)

I put the typical things on it....Thank You for our beautiful home, the people in my life, my dogs, my job, my ability to work, my ability to care, on and on....

Instead of concentrating on missing my mom so much I am thankful for all the wonderful years we got with her and that Parker and her were so close. So thankful for that! It helps. 

This summer I'm so grateful to have the time to think and play with blogs and read a lot of amazing blogs and exercise and get back on track with my emotions.  

As school starts up my focus will change and I will be so involved in my job and the extra duties I have this year and I will really miss and crave this time. But thankfully I will be able to do it and have the ability to do it well. 

Thank You!

Outside The Comfort Zone

This blog was inspired by Mama Kats @ http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/ Check it Out!!!!Steppin outside the box (describe a time when you went way out of your comfort zone)

(inspired by Sherri from Matter Of Fact)

Interpret This 

My Classroom 

I work in a non-suburban, non inner-city high school. It's not a poor school or a rich school by any means. It probably is a very middle class school. It has a great mixture of students of all ethnicity. It's not snobby or ultra-competitive like some schools. It reminds me very much of my first HS which is why I like teaching there so much. 


I have confidence in what I do there and feel pretty comfortable most of the time....unless I'm being watched by another adult. Evaluation put me in a frenzy. I hate being watched. I love when someone spontaneously comes in my room and catches me in my natural state. I hate being on display. I freeze. I am definitely not in my comfort zone! 


So, when I got two deaf students, I silently panicked. My school is also the district HS for deaf students which are mainstreamed with the other students. All it means for me is that I will have an intrepreter in my room. Mimicking me. Saying what I say. Watching me. Really listening to me. AWKKKKKKK.


So, I think, other teachers do this, so can I. But inside I was dreading it thinking...why can't I just for once have a normal, non-stressful year? Not comfortable. Not comfortable. 


The interpreter came by before school and told me about the two deaf girls I would have. We decided to seat them across from each other so they could easily see her. The first day was weird. If I smiled and laughed. She mimicked me with my hands and sort of imitated my facial expressions somewhat. 
As time went on, I noticed that if I talked out-loud to another student she interpreted it. If I said something quietly to a student she interpreted it. If I said something quietly to her she answered in sign. Nothing was said in there without her interpreting it.
 I actually got over the nervousness of having another body in there pretty quickly although at times I felt awkward. I also learned a lot about the deaf and how interpreters are really the key to making it possible for students to be in regular schools. I was out of my comfort zone that year several times as I got used to her and the imitating. I was more aware of how I spoke and said things. I think I became a better teacher and didn't wing things so much so I wouldn't say something stupid!!! I got so used to her that I would forget she was in there and that the girls couldn't hear me. 
  
Since then I've had several interpreters and observers and even parents watching their kids,  and now I'm teaching with a coach in the room with me and it doesn't even phase me. Evaluations still freak me out....but I think they always will. 

Summer, Sun, and Burn

This blog was inspired by Mama Kats @ http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

Check it out. 

Apodaca Park Pool ~ Las Cruces, NM 

Growing up, Summer was swimming at the pool.   The public pool- a mile away. Apodaca Park Pool where my sister eventually became a life guard and all the kids in my family had their names written in Magic Marker on the fridge in the office. We were “regulars.”

To get to the pool we either had to walk or ride bikes. The black streets would melt to tar in the summer and bubble up, so I always had tar on my feet. I naturally went barefoot. It always took about two trips to the pool to break my feet in, but after that nothing was too hot and if it was you planned your steps carefully stepping on lawns or dirt. There was no worry about a 9 year old girl walking by herself either back then. Oh no. In seventh grade I got a Schwinn 10 Speed and never again did I walk. I had wheels.

Summer was freedom. My mom had a rule that in the mornings during the summer, you had to help her, but the afternoons were ours. At first I’d meet Denise Summers there. Yeah. What a great name. Denise was a beautiful, naturally blond girl, a year older than I and we did sleepovers and spent all our time together in the summer. Our claim to fame was that Denise, younger brother, me, my older brother all had the same birthday. But we never celebrated it together because it was in January and I only saw Denise Summesr in the summer. When school started we didn’t hang out…she was older…that was uncool…She broke my heart when she moved away in 6dth grade. It was like loosing summer. But Diane Fraley filled her spot. Every day we’d meet at 1:00 at the pool and swim until 4:45. Diane had a very strict mother who had dinner on the table at 5:00 sharp.

Summer was boys. Lot’s of boys lived in my neighborhood. Lucky me.   I had more boys as friends then girls. Our play evolved to flirting in the junior high years. Way more fun that way.  We had invented so many games that we never got bored. We could do countless dives on the diving board.  We’d swim, dry out, swim, dry out then we’d ask the life-guards if they wanted anything from Pic-Quik and of course they did. They gave us money, sent us there and we got to keep the change! What a deal. This lasted until my 9^th grade year. I took a babysitting job but still managed to go most days when Diane could. Not as many boys there. We were growing up.  Things were changing.

The next summer I moved away. To Lubbock, Texas. West Texas and no pool. I was a sophomore in HS. I was leaving the only town I grew up in and the only friends I’d know. I was not happy.  I’ve always been fond of pools and swimming. In Lubbock I had to resort to laying out in my back yard to get my sun fix. I used to put lemon juice and peroxide in my hair and Crisco on my legs and then bake. Oh yeah, I tried the closest public pool. But how fun is it to go swimming alone? I had no pool, but I had plenty of summer sun

Summer is Sun. One day I was tanning on my lawn chair and I fell asleep. For several hours. This was the last time I ever laid out simply to get sun. Why no-one in my house noticed I was out there for hours I don’t know. Typical.  But I started on my stomach and at some point rolled-over. When I woke up, I could hardly move. OUCH. Yeah I was burned. Which turned to blisters, which peeled off. Which left some funky tan lines. I was so mad that no one paid attention to me out there. I could have fried to death.  I actually got scolded by my mom for allowing it to happen. As if I wanted this. The result of that was for years and sometimes even now if I get too red I can see the line from my bathing suit strap that fell down my back; indelible.  I can also see the outline of the top of the suit. I can remember the uncomfortable feeling of putting on a bra over that. I remember crying and feeling sorry for myself because I had no friends and no pool-all that anger burned into me. I blamed my parents for making us move and taking away my summer. My mom had no idea what I meant, but a girl without her pool must lead to this. And it must be their fault.

 Since then, I’ve let myself get burned on purpose, you know to get your summer tan started, but always weary of the amount of time in the sun and not a real burn. Never again. Burn =Pain. I got over being mad at my parents for making me move. The rational side of me kicked in eventually. But,  I always will associate  severe sunburn with sadness and anger. 

 In my twenties, I used to pick my apartments by how good the pool was, not how good the apartment was. And when I got married I was delighted to learn our first house had a neighborhood community pool. My son learned to swim there. He swam before he could walk.  Now I have a pool now in my backyard. I use it a lot. But I wear a lot of sunscreen, keep my face in the shade and don’t ever over do it. I don’t really care how tan I get, I just enjoy the sun and cool water.  And the only boy I play with is my son. I’m a teacher, so summers remain a special time for me. Summer is sun. Summer is the pool. Summer is freedom. Summer is me and my boy in the pool. 

My water baby. 

One Year Old 

My boy. 

 Catching my bubbles. 

The Trip

Well we made it to the Cayman Islands and back. The experience was incredible. We all enjoyed it despite less than perfect weather. I think though actually we lucked out. With out the beating sun we were able to be outside more. The only negative part of the whole trip was how outrageous food was. It didn't bother me as much as Bubby who kept cringing at the menus. :) 

We were able to snorkel off the hotel beach. We did it every day and even got fussed at for going to far. It's hard to get carried away! 

This was Parker's first time snorkeling, not in the pool! 

I was so impressed by the clarity of the ocean. 

Most of these conch shells still had residents. We found so many of them.

If you look really hard you can see the fish. 

These fish were so brilliant in color. My camera didn't pick it up. 

I was learning how to use the underwater camera. It's a Fugi XP...which ironically broke on the way home. 

Before we went on this trip, we each picked from a list, the thing we wanted to do. I picked a stingray visit and snorkeling adventure on a sailboat.  The stingrays there are wild, but are used to being fed by the tourists that they let you hold them and touch them. We ended up doing this twice and both time the guides were very informative and made you feel comfortable. 

 However, Bubby didn't get off the boat. He wasn't into the stingrays. 

There are about 125 stingrays in Stingray Town. 

When I finally got low enough for her to breath, she settled into my arms. I loved it.....Of course she was probably looking for food. They feed them squid to get them to come over. The females are large and the males are smaller. We only saw one male. This has been going on for 60 years or so and it started with the shrimp boats. 

Parker picked getting to play with the dolphins. We learned facts and got to get in the water and take three different rides with them. We petted and splashed with them. It was amazing at how well-trained they were. 

We began by playing a game. This ended with them splashing us of course! 

We all got to do this ride. They swam very fast. Lots of fun. 

Oh yes they kissed us and we kissed them back. :) 

I think he liked it. 

On this ride, they pushed your feet and you went flying. 

Parker did the superman pose!!! Again lots of fun!!

This one the dolphin was upside down, so that you are belly to belly. 

Finally we petted her/him....and they did some flying tricks. 

This is something I've always wanted to do and probably never will again, so I am glad we did it. 

Bubby picked the submarine ride for his trip. 

We had to crawl into the circular hole. It was air-conditioned thankfully. We went down 100 feet. 

Then we looked out these windows...it didn't take great pictures. Too blue, but it was interesting in person. 

The last excursion we did was a boat ride to Stingray City, Snorkling and a starfish walk.

I forgot my camera on the boat when we looked for starfish, but we did see them!! 

Our guide for this trip. He is a native Cayman Islander and we extremely informative and friendly. 

Bubby waiting patiently on the boat. He loves to snorkel, just touching stingrays isn't his gig. 

It gets pretty crowded at Stingray City. 

This spot had the best snorkeling. 

Interesting sideways swimming fish. 

My pictures just don't do justice!! 

All in all it was a great trip. I don't know if I will ever go back, but I'm so glad we did it. 

It's Time

It's time for a real vacation. For the past three summers we've gone to Memphis, Orlando, Las Vegas.......all for basketball.....not for vacation-even though we got to do touristy stuff where we were there. Those weren't our destinations of choice. Since that is over we are headed to......the Cayman Islands. Today I'm packing and washing clothes. Our flight leaves at  5:30 AM tomorrow. Hate those early flights!!!!! We have booked several activities while we are there...most importantly we will be getting away from the usual routine and hopefully relaxing. 

The only damper on this trip is leaving my dogs. They will be kenneled. They will be fine, but I will feel bad every time I think of them. We've left Molly many times, but she was able to stay home with someone checking on her. This time will be hard for her. She just had a Mast cell and a cyst removed and has about 50 staples in her. They will take them out while we are gone..but I prefer to be here. Oh well...sorry sweet girl. 

Jack will be fine. He is so young it will be an adventure for him. I will miss my walks with him, but right now my legs are sooo sore. I think this trip will be a good break. Hope he gets to play a lot and doesn't bug Molly too much. 

This is how Jack waits for me when I'm sitting here at my desk. 

With toy in hand he waits or he will drop it in my lap. 

Notice the sock and the flip flop in the pictures. If Jack ever thinks he doesn't have enough toys...he just goes upstairs to Parker's "lair" and there is sure to be socks on the floor and various chewable shoes around!!!  He has this game where he gets the sock and then shows me and wants me to chase him because he knows I will.....LOL I'll miss his little game. 

I've done well with exercise this week. I've walked 10.5 miles and yesterday I got my back back. I had a bike "computer" installed on it. It tells me my speed, milage, etc. I rode for a total of 5.5 miles. Why are there so many hills? It looks flat until you are on a bike. LOL My legs were like jello. I like it!!! I've kept in my points and plan to continue today. Tomorrow is a different story. I have no idea what I'll eat and all. I plan on being conscious of stopping when I'm full and ordering what I want (seafood).  We are taking some snacks in our suit cases. Parker is soooo picky when it comes to eating. I'll be prepared! It's time to get a packing!!!