Happy 2014

With a new year comes new hopes and dreams for a better reality. This year I hope to let go of some of the anxiety I collect during the work week and learn how to chill. Instead of resolutions I will focus on one word. My word is commitment.  I chose this word because commitment is what I lack when it comes to taking care of myself or following good habits. I have grand ideas that just fizzle out. I want to stay committed to many things including:  

 my healthy eating

 my daily exercise routine

 keeping my relationships positive

 becoming closer as a family and couple

These are a few of the things I need to work on. Not easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. So 2014…..be good to all of us!! 

Good-bye 2013 and hello 2014!!! 

Breaking Bad Habits

 I've been on a roller coaster of a ride concerning my weight. I have this little voice in my head that tells me what to do and most of the time it's a horrible voice that makes me eat eat eat. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm mad. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I have a lot of work ahead of me and I feel sorry for myself. I also eat when I'm hungry too of course. Mostly it's bad stuff I eat when that voice is talking!

So it's time to stop. Time to create good habits and begin again with Weight Watchers, journaling and increasing my exercise. 

Journaling food is a great way to hold oneself accountable. It is right there on paper with in black and white. What I need help with is being hungry all the time for the first two weeks of cutting back. With so much stress in my job ( English teacher)  I mentally think I can't take on another "pain"..so I eat to keep the hunger pangs away. I feel setting weekly goals and holding myself accountable is the only way to do this. So this week my goal is to: 
#1 Journal EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth
#2 Stay on the program MOST days.
#3 No chips during the week unless they are baked and in a controlled portion. sigh. (I've given up pizza, hamburgers, french fries- but chips…not)

April is Kinda Sucking in the Consistency Dept.

Me on the right with my big thighs!

But who am I to give up. Back at it. I just spent the last two days reading and catching up on blogs and I'm so inspired. I go back to all these ladies and they just keep posting and motivating. Thank goodness for the blog world for people like me to read and re-read and keep going. I bought a bunch of healthy food and tomorrow will cook up some chicken to get me through the week. Dinners are the worst for me.

Weekly Goals:
Write down food and points.
Check in w/ WW
Weight myself ( ouch)
Walk minimum of 2 miles( more?) a day
Ride 60 miles.
Post 3 times.

April Goal: Consistancy

Lack of consistency is my problem. 

"It's not what we do occasionally that makes the difference~it's what we do consistently."

 I got this from somewhere and it spoke to me. If I don't do much else I'd like to learn to apply the habits I've learned consistently and without waiver. 

2010

The first photo was taken in 2010 when I finally decided to be appalled at myself. This vacation was at the beginning of my journey. The next photo was in 2012- and 50 pounds lighter. I'm still holding in that same area although I'm no where near where I want or need to be. Since 2011 when the weight stopped coming off I've started and stopped a thousand times. The only thing I've stayed consistent with is my exercise and my better eating habits which seems to be all it takes to maintain. So my goal for April is to simply be consistent in my journaling and point control. No excuses for this girl. 

Update

Nature's Cheese Puffs 

You can pretty much ignore the post before this. I didn't run. Well I did. My knee hurt and I stopped. I'll stick to biking and walking.

It's been so long since I've felt like being on here. Funny how that happens. School and trying to keep up with it consumes me. Simply zaps what little energy I have. I'm avoiding all the grading I have brought home this weekend because I simply am tired of it. Soon the BIG TEST will be over and maybe the students can enjoy English again.

Since the last publication: 

Parker had his first successful semester at the local junior college.
He is in the midst of being at a university now and LOVES it.
He is still with his girly friend.  All. The. Time.  He studies often and isn't involved in university life, but then again that's not all bad.
Our winter ski trip included her and another friend of theirs. We had a great time. I skied my best in years.
Hubby bought a CPA business. Right now it's hard for him. He thinks he likes it. Not sure. Ask after April 15th!
I'm still grading papers. I did get a student teacher which is hard. I don't like letting go. But she is doing a great job and very helpful. I'm grading the stuff that is crucial. And there is a lot. These kids write all the time. STAAR test ya know.
I'm riding my bike. Hubby not so much. Over spring break I rode three times which was every other day for a bit. It was awesome. That is so what I need. If I get caught up I'll continue to keep riding like that. No big rides for us until after April 15th.
I started WW. Stopped WW. Started WW. Stopped WW. Sigh.

So…nothing really fabulous.

Is It Too Late to Start Running?

Do you run?? I wanna run. I wanna go and go and go. That's what I love about biking. When I bike, the more effort I put into it, the more return I get. I feel running is that way. If I put more effort into it I can just keep going. I run a bit here and there, but nothing I can really couldn't as running. I have a fantasy that I could do a 5 k…then maybe a 10 K and eventually walk/ run a half marathon. Awkkkk   Two months ago I ran 1/2 mile and did something painful to my knee. I thought that I was done in the running department, but now that the pain is gone, maybe I can try again???? Maybe this time I can start slower. Help. I wanna run. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm gonna try.
 Walk/run/walk/run. Slow and steady.

I'm pretty sure this is how I'll look running. Yes, that was 40 lbs ago,
but I still have a big behind not to mention BB's. Ha Ha 

Happy Thanksgiving!

My momma cooking 

Today we celebrated with a traditional Thanksgiving meal. The only difference was it was just the three of us. We didn't spend it with any siblings. It was nice and quiet. Just what I wanted and needed. It's also the first time I cooked everything without the help of my mom or anyone else. I am thankful she write down her recipes for giblet gravy and dressing. I have never made gravy in my life, much less giblet. It was ok. My dressing was dry. I'll hopefully remember next time to add more broth. This picture is at my old house and also her last Thanksgiving.  I am feeling so melancholy today. The smells bring back memories. Even as I napped today I found myself waking up in a different time period..I was home. However I am so Thankful for all I have and all I have the ability to do. In this moment and on this day I'm so grateful and thankful for my life. 

Last Night

Juniors in high school. Where will they end up?? 

So Parker didn't go off to college after all. He decided at the last minute to stay home. I'm not sure if he really wasn't ready or if having a newly acquired girlfriend had anything to do with it. I suspect both. We have a great university, UTSA, within a couple of miles of our house and he has chosen to start there and end up in Austin at UT~ that's his current plan anyway. I'm happy knowing where he is and what he is doing.

But having a kid in college whether he is home or away is different. They come and go. He works and goes to school. Days go by and I barely see him- our schedules are so different.  It's good though. I don't have the same worries about grades I had in high school nor do I feel the need to monitor his comings and goings. He's figuring it out.

Last night his best friend from college, who did decide to go away, came by for a visit. Then another friend showed up. We plied them with questions and Parker got to hear what he was missing out on. But then they left to go eat. When they got home and hubby and I were tucked away in bed. I could hear them.  I  heard laughter and conversations. I head the stampede of feet going up and down stairs.  I heard the fridge open and shut. It felt like when they were little. It felt good. Like old times. I hope that never goes away. I hope at least for the next few years they can meet up and laugh and act like the little kids they used to be. Growing up and growing apart is natural, but it's nice to laugh and remember. 

Writer's Workshop~ PROM? Scary?

This post is inspired by Mama Kat's Writing Workshop.

     Watching your 17 year son old go on a prom date. Now that is scary!!! 

     I'd have to say my scariest moments of late have involve this new sport I've picked up: mountain biking. But not as scary as watching your kid grow into a man and grow away from you. 

     

      Mountain biking is scary and that's why I like it. There is a thrill riding down a steep hill into a dry rocky river bed, up a hill and then down, around and around again. And while it's scary,  it's also a huge adrenaline rush. So the element of being scared is overrun by the rush you get from it. It's a mental and physical thing blended together wonderfully. 

      

    My riding partner is my son, Parker, who is now an 18 year old muscly young man and doesn't mind riding with his 50 year old mom.  He is very athletic, funny, hardworking and one of the shyest kids I know. He's just like his dad. They don't talk unless they are in their comfort zone and then they don't shut up.  Besides the sixth grade, which really doesn't count, Parker has never had a girlfriend."Girls are stupid"(His words). All those years of playing club and high school basketball didn't leave much time for anything else. His interests totally revolved around sports. When he decided not to play basketball his senior year, he got a job and got into mountain biking and road biking.He stayed as busy as ever.No girls ever were mentioned and I felt lucky we missed the drama of high school romance. 

     That is~ we missed it until the end of his senior year,which was just a couple of months ago. Sure enough I start noticing a trend of him going to the mall with "friends" who just happen to be girls. Going to eat. Weird. Extremely unusual~ even though his friend, who always has girl friends, would go too;I thought it weird."Just a friend Mom"  Haha…yeah I'm not dumb, I teach high schoolers.  Oh and all the texting. Um hum. Anyway, I come home one day and am greeted with the biggest smile in the world. "Mom. Guess what? I'm going to prom!" HUH? What the? Really? (A month earlier the mention of prom produced  huge eye rolls and Are you stupid? looks) 

 But...Yep. He did. And not only that~ he picked out his own tux, flowers, took care of the limo, everything with HER in tow.  And had a blast. In fact….prom turned into ….well….a relationship with a girl???!!!!! What a ride!! 

     So what is scary about that? 

     Well... what is scary is how the man he has a potential to be is starting to come out. The boy is diminishing. I see him using manners, being thoughtful and putting her feelings in front of his (Oh the horrors). I see him doing things like going to the mall, grocery store, boring errands, and trying new foods he hates ~with pleasure. I see him making sure to spend time at her house and at our house. He even bought me a Mother's Day gift with HIS own money. By golly the kid IS thoughtful. "She" of course has a lot to do with it. She is the perfect girlfriend a mom would like to see their son with. He picked a girl with strong values and morals and that even says a lot. Oh I know he's just beginning a relationship and not getting married or anything, but  I see him maturing and growing in ways that I know at some point will lead him away from me, from us. I know it's good, right and natural, but it's also scary. Some day, even these days…she is the center of his world and not me…not any more. 

     So it's kind like looking down a mountain and knowing that the only way down is to ride carefully using the breaks when necessary knowing it's the only way to get where you need to go.It's got to be done. It's waiting for the adrenaline to kick in and hide the "scary-ness." It's a mental and physical thing blended together wonderfully. 

     

Writer's Workshop: Ten Things I Get Angry About

This is inspired by Mama Kats Writing Workshop~ See Link on Side!!! 

 Well there are so many things…but these are the ones that just popped into my head this morning!!!! 

I GET ANGRY WHEN...

1. people are selfish. 

2. people don't spend time with their animals and just keep them in the back yard. Of course the abuse 

    animals endure makes me mad too. 

3. people have all these babies than don't parent them. As a teacher this is my number one gripe.

    I see so many parents that are tired of parenting by time their kids gets to HS and they have 

    done a terrible job so far so their kid is a mess and they are at a loss of what to do…so they 

   do nothing and I have to handle it on my own. I could go on and on. ( BTW MOST parents 

   do a GREAT job!! It's the slackers I get upset about)    

4. people  don't take care of this financial or personal business and then ask for money. 

5. people don't take pride or take care of their homes or vehicles and leave them trashed and unkept. 

    They are so unappreciative. 

6.  people sit back and let the world happen to them and then wonder why they are the way they are.

7. people dwell in self-pity. 

8.  no one truly understands what it's like to do my job except other HS English teachers. 

9. I think of the way I've neglected my body for so long. 

10. people are ungrateful!!